New lines at every age

So am just back from a dream holiday and into those soul searching moods trying to understand life, ok guys attempting to understand life and I stumble upon the latest bazaar magazine. Must confess its one of my favourites. There is a lot of stuff that’s inaccessible and makes me just flip through the pages without a second glance. When I say inaccessible I mean its not even aspirational.

Anyways so coming back to the woman who made me get back to writing is none other than Sushmita Sen. Yes I think she is intelligent, gracious, gorgeous and conducts & carries herself with utmost dignity. So while the journo asks her all about her style and she talks about how she her sense has evolved from being a regular teenager in Delhi to her style after she won the pageant and how style evolves with age. So true. Cant even think actually I can but maybe I don’t want to share how I was way back then.

So while she talks us through her favourite designers they ask her about looking fab at every age and she says, “ It’s very important to like yourself. ‘At every age there are NEW LINES, new structural changes in your body, on your skin. When you start accepting and liking your flaws, they go away. Learn to like that extra line which comes when you think; it wasn’t there before – you’ve earned it.”

Here are her pics when she was 19 and now when she is 35.

I loved her thoughts on this. It makes me go back in time though not long ago when I turned 30 and everybody around told me dam, you’re getting old, you will grey and need to start worrying about anti – ageing, hair colour and middle age crisis and all that crap. But now when I think about my self I feel wow I’ve never felt better about myself. I’ve evolved in every sense and I’m so comfortable in the space I belong today.

So all those women don’t let those lines, the colour, sagging skin, etc take you over. Its important to address it but not get bogged down by it. You are just as appealing to all the people who matter to you as you were earlier or may be even more. They appreciate you now more than ever before.
P.S. For all those who’ve skipped watching Turning 30 starring Gul Panag, please watch it.

Bouncing Board:

Was just reading Shahrukhs interview in the BT this morning and I found it so genuine and sweet that for his latest film his bouncing board is none other than his son Aryaan. Its quite strange how are bouncing boards keep changing through the different stages in our lives. So we start with mom when we are young, then with friends or siblings as teenagers & early twenties, then moves to boyfriend through mid twenties and husband/fiancé by late twenties, early thirties. As we grow through the years are bouncing boards keep adding and changing and we realize how some people just stay with us always.

As we grow older or should I say our kids grow older they will become an altar to share most things as we feel they are more cued on to life than us. They will add the new age perspective and are more today and Gen next than us.

You will also realize how some relationships wont make it through or maybe some people were left behind and sometimes even the person you are closest to cannot be your bouncing board and the older ones just continue. I have been one of the lucky ones to have more than one bouncing boards in my mom, sisters, my husband, my mother in law and now my daughter. And something inside me tells me that all of these will stay.

When I think of my relationship with them I just realize that I am so blessed to have these people around me and they love me for the all the madness I bring to their lives, all the problems, confusions, fun, and all my flaws. It makes me feel special that they love me and have stood by me inspite of all my imperfections. Yes I don’t have any qualms about admitting that I’m not perfect and feel no one is, its just that we never want to accept it. Anyways that aside just realize that how all these people in my life are so encouraging and have different perspective to the same situation. E.g. Your mom will find everything you do flawless and feels like “ wow my daughter did this”, can so empathize with this after being a mom, at the same time your sibling will be ruthlessly straight forward as they are use to the fights and patch ups through the years. They are never scared to tell you anything. Husbands/boyfriends know the truth but have to do it tactfully without hurting you. Actually it depends on how many number of years you have been together and what stage is your relationship. But more often than not its one of your strongest ones, in my case it is. Mother in laws, this one I don’t know how many women in India will agree as she is the most hated creature for most of them but I love mine and she has really been an anchor in my life with all my relationships and been a guide to me as a person. My daughter is my bouncing board already at 2. Whenever my husband is traveling and I tell her aanya I am missing papa she will pacify me and tell me mom, its ok be strong I am there with you na, its ok don’t be upset. Then she gives me a power that is infused with unconditional love and warmth. Love you aanya.

I feel blessed to be here and know that I am not alone in this life and I have so many people who love and listen to me

Its special but I dont want it!

I don’t know if you read the Mumbai mirror and read the horrifying stories about mentally & physically challenged kids in the government run shelters. Its quite shocking and actually you begin wondering that there people who are abusing kids who don’t even know what’s wrong with them.

The first story was about the kids at Kavdas orphanage where kids were malnourished, with no proper sanitation facilities and death after death with inadequate funds to support or give these children the bare necessities. Only because the story was reported some action was taken and these kids were moved from there. After that we have stories every alternate day reporting that are similar. One at the panvel childrens home where there were deaf & dumb children being raped by the care takers & other random men in the vicinity until some one figured out the scandal. Then we had the two pedophiles who ran orphanages under the garb of charity to fulfill their sexual desires. And now we have the same situation reported across all orphanages in Maharashtra. Lack of sanitation conditions, mentally & physically challenged children being kept in the same room. The children are not toilet trained, girls & boys who are 14 – 15 are left in the same room with only their undergarments on, kids from 14 – 70 years are all in the same shelter. Water tanks kept open and there is no adequate medical help and children who suffer from TB, pneumonia and other respiratory diseases are not given any special medical attention. Click here and here to read the article

This actually reminds me on how I am so careful that my daughter has boiled water, she wears proper clothes, how I spend sleepless nights when she has a minor cough & cold, her fine motor skills are gross motor skills are being developed well.
These stories actually bring so many questions in my mind. Why does god make special children? Why cant god just make everybody the same? Its somebody’s right to be normal and please they are innocent children. How can he be so cruel? Even though I don’t agree that children should be deprived of anything even if he did, he should give them birth in families who are financially, emotionally & physically capable of raising them and not in homes where parents who think of these children as a burden and leave them in these shelter homes to face whatever life has in store for them. As a mother I cannot believe how can any mother have the courage to leave their own child good, bad, ugly to fend life for themselves and especially if he is not capable of doing so. Again god I want to ask you why do you do this?

Why are people so selfish that they want to make money out of these children by taking away the funds that are granted for these kids. I want to ask to the government that the allowance per child hasn’t been raised since the 1960’s. How are these shelter homes even suppose to make do with the funds allocated with the rise in inflation? How much does the Child & Welfare Committee head spend on his own son/daughter? How can he therefore think that these kids don’t even deserve enough to have basic necessities?

How I wish there were corporates who would come forward and address these issues and take them up. Why wouldn’t a Dettol, J&J, Parle, Nestle, etc come forward and support these organizations in kind. Trust me all the mothers who are your target audience would have new found respect for you. You would have already won them over.

Its sad that we usually like special things and usually wait for them. Our hands shrivel up only when the special is not beautiful. It’s only then that we feel even if it is special I don't want it!

Big Shout out to Mad Momma

This is one blog I absolutely love reading. Simple yet so cool. I love all her posts there are funny, serious, thoughtful but they all have a very deep human thought to it.

Do drop in and read Mad Momma One post that I think will get you thinking and make you smile if you were born in late seventies, early 80's 90's songs I am embarrassed to admit I like

Un - Clan!

Don’t think the show KWK would have got great TRP’s last night but honestly I thought it was a fab show. One for Karan to call people he doesn’t hang out with all the time so it gets interesting and they have a different perspective vs. the same stuff and aura that he brings to the show. Secondly to call a guy who is just so honest & has such a brilliant attitude to life.

Honestly until yesterday I didn’t care much about John Abraham and thought he was a guy with a fab body and the only movies I loved him in were Jism, New York, Dhoom & Dostana. Yesterday after the show which they promoted as a really sex – y show with John being this ultimate sex baba or something was just so much more than that.

When he was asked questions on Bipasha he refused to comment saying its personal and he doesn’t care of what the speculation is. Then he had no qualms about admitting that he is often not the first choice for a lot of movies and he is ok with it. Wow he is really a solid guy, I mean literally. One is to know it and be comfortable with it and the other is to publicly acknowledge it. Cant seem to understand how people do that, na!

As the show moved on to the rapid fire round I was quite amazed at his response to a lot of the answers. Sonam Kapoor great pretty looking girl, very honest, etc. But the answers I absolutely loved were:
Q: Imran, Ranbir or shahid the star you would bet your money on
A: why would I bet my money on

Q: Shahrukh, Salman or Aamir the Khan of all seasons
A: Karan why are you clannish? Why cant we have Devgans or Kapoors or Singhs. Ajay Devgan has delivered the biggest hits last year

With this answer Karan Johar was actually stumped and I think even he realized that he was clannish.

We all have our comfort zones and just want to move about in the same zone. It takes so much more of us to break away from the good old stuff and say or do something different. All the guests on the show made choices with whatever question they got vs. just thinking it could be a different response.

Big bow to John for doing just that and being so brutally honest. Lesson well taught! Karan are you listening?

Money Cant buy!!!

As always its children who teach me the small joys of life and make me realize that life is beautiful no matter where you are. Its just the people you are with who matter the most.

A few days ago I was waiting at the Babulnath temple waiting for some one and while I waited inside patiently I saw these small young street kids playing with literally anything that came their way. There were these jungle gym kind of construction climbers that they played. How I wish I had my camera to capture the moment. A thought that passed my mind instantly was and yeah it just came rushing through was how I taught my daughter to use the jungle gym at the garden everyday asking her to be careful as she took each step and here these kids just learn the ropes of life without any support or guidance. They loved their time on the bamboos and I , loved watching them.

Your kids don't know the price of the toy you give them they know the time you spend with them. To them its not a Barbie doll its a doll. You taught them or society taught them its a Barbie and shes pretty and good. They don't know expensive, cheap, costly. These words are not part of their dictionary yet.

Just today I thought I will take her to a friends building where there was music, food & rain dance but something within me told me that she would rather enjoy where her friends are and all the other frills will not make her as happy as playing with her own friends. I am glad I did what my daughter liked and not what suited me

Just yesterday when I was at a book store with my daughter and another mom was teaching her daughter modes of transport, bus, car, truck etc. The baby asked her mom why don't we travel by bus it must be fun. The mom said its dirty and only people who don't have cars travel by bus. My point is not that you let them do whatever they want to but don't influence their decisions. Let them experience it. They are in their formative years and must know and experience everything.

For all those moms who think bus rides are dirty try it. sit atop a double decker bus in the front seat and feel the breeze through your hair and see the smiles on your child's face. These are experiences money can't buy!

Sunscreen

Sunscreen!

Don’t know why I am reminded of the song sunscreen that makes me feel less guilty of all the not so approved choices I would like to make in life.

It makes me feel a little less miserable about wanting the sun, moon and the stars without having to work for it, or feel normal if I don’t know what my calling is. Making me believe that life isn’t perfect and actually love and accept my imperfections.
It gives me the confidence to make choices which need a lot of courage otherwise, being sensitive to life and other humans who god has not been so kind to.

It gives me the happiness to spend time with my daughter all of 18 months versus being in a work place that’s otherwise aspirational. Making me understand that this time is never going to come back and I need to make the most of it to have no regrets later. I know her little hands want me now to guide them and instill right values today, to play the stupidest games, get dirty in the garden, spill food all over, sneak and eat chocolates but I still want to do it. I want to spend hours reading to her and cuddling her in bed which for most of us is a luxury.

I want to spend time with my parents today knowing that everyday is a day less with them. It makes me want to love them and be loved as it’s a day less of their love, care and shelter.

Love life to the fullest without having to regret any day of my life. Allowing me to fall and taste the flavour of success and failure both.

It makes me cherish, love and relive every moment of my youth. It makes me feel beautiful even if I am fat and not be glued on to beauty magazines cause they promote low self esteem.

It makes me want to invest in me and all those relationships I left behind when I thought I didn’t have time. I want to invest in them now. I want to learn pottery even if I may never mould a beautiful one.

It makes me want to learn a language even if I may never speak one. It makes me want to sing or play along even if it may not sound right. It makes me want to dance even if it’s only my mom who appreciates it.

It makes me want to see all those beautiful places in the world which are less traveled and where people don’t judge me by my name or status.

It makes me think and ponder within, have a conversation with myself which I otherwise choose to ignore everyday.

It makes me…..

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