Bouncing Board:

Was just reading Shahrukhs interview in the BT this morning and I found it so genuine and sweet that for his latest film his bouncing board is none other than his son Aryaan. Its quite strange how are bouncing boards keep changing through the different stages in our lives. So we start with mom when we are young, then with friends or siblings as teenagers & early twenties, then moves to boyfriend through mid twenties and husband/fiancé by late twenties, early thirties. As we grow through the years are bouncing boards keep adding and changing and we realize how some people just stay with us always.

As we grow older or should I say our kids grow older they will become an altar to share most things as we feel they are more cued on to life than us. They will add the new age perspective and are more today and Gen next than us.

You will also realize how some relationships wont make it through or maybe some people were left behind and sometimes even the person you are closest to cannot be your bouncing board and the older ones just continue. I have been one of the lucky ones to have more than one bouncing boards in my mom, sisters, my husband, my mother in law and now my daughter. And something inside me tells me that all of these will stay.

When I think of my relationship with them I just realize that I am so blessed to have these people around me and they love me for the all the madness I bring to their lives, all the problems, confusions, fun, and all my flaws. It makes me feel special that they love me and have stood by me inspite of all my imperfections. Yes I don’t have any qualms about admitting that I’m not perfect and feel no one is, its just that we never want to accept it. Anyways that aside just realize that how all these people in my life are so encouraging and have different perspective to the same situation. E.g. Your mom will find everything you do flawless and feels like “ wow my daughter did this”, can so empathize with this after being a mom, at the same time your sibling will be ruthlessly straight forward as they are use to the fights and patch ups through the years. They are never scared to tell you anything. Husbands/boyfriends know the truth but have to do it tactfully without hurting you. Actually it depends on how many number of years you have been together and what stage is your relationship. But more often than not its one of your strongest ones, in my case it is. Mother in laws, this one I don’t know how many women in India will agree as she is the most hated creature for most of them but I love mine and she has really been an anchor in my life with all my relationships and been a guide to me as a person. My daughter is my bouncing board already at 2. Whenever my husband is traveling and I tell her aanya I am missing papa she will pacify me and tell me mom, its ok be strong I am there with you na, its ok don’t be upset. Then she gives me a power that is infused with unconditional love and warmth. Love you aanya.

I feel blessed to be here and know that I am not alone in this life and I have so many people who love and listen to me

Indian Emotional Attyachaar

This one is clean, simple easy. We as Indians love the rona, dhona, sacrifice and playing sad songs at every occasion. While I was at moms the other day and she watched some crappy soap on TV where the women were all piling on to another woman and she cried and howled but in vain. Switch to another soap where the daughter is getting married and inspite of the fact that we cry on certain songs like “ye galiyan, ye chobara, yahaan aana na dobara….from Prem Rog, the girl was insistent on danciong to that song. Now don’t we all know that yes leaving moms is a really big toughie but got to do it and then to instigate those tears we play these emotional songs that make us cry? While I went back to my wedding days thinking of my sangeet(song & dance evening) my mom was already crying thinking of her daughters abroad and how they have been married for so long, and work so hard and they haven’t come home for so long….phew…mom, mom, mom I said, please relax….but the ganga jamuna saraswati had to flow.

We as Indians just love all this emotional drama, that’s why our movies which are actually a reflection of our society exhibit this so well. Think of all those movies for a while that made you cry…Masoom, Hum aapke hain kaun, actually all the Karan Johar & sooraj Barjatiya types. We love the pain & pathos. Think of all those times when you listened to songs continuously that made you cry….Whenever we see something sad, we want to believe that it’s happening to us or could happen to us and we get so involved in the whole process that it makes us weak. When we see someone sick or unhappy we immediately empathize thinking god please this should never happen to me.

Our reason to connect and belong is what gets us caught into this emotional drama all the time. We are so into each others lives and space that everything affects us all the time. And women especially believe that all the bad and good of fiction will definitely happen to them so they always want to be ready all the time. Sounds familiar huh! Think of all those times when you asked (if you are a girl)/ you were asked by your girlfriend after a watching a movie about infidelity, “will you ever be disloyal to me?”, or “will you ever cheat on me for any other woman?” Or after a great show on travel & living or a bolly flick shot in some well shot international locale, “Baby when will we go to such beautiful places”. You never take me anywhere…no you don’t love me…when was the last time you gave me a gift.” For women materialistic gifts have a longer memory, only because we can flaunt it. So men by default are always wrong.

So coming back to moms while I was there for my brief stay with her we watched all the sangeet DVD’s of all my sisters and my wedding… my mom cried and blushed as she saw her daughters perform and thought nobody can dance better than her daughters. I spent the rest of the two days with lots of fun and followed the soaps that they watched religiously on TV that persuaded me to write about Emotional Attyachaar

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By My Side

It’s a bright sunny day at work and as I enter office with no one in at 9 a.m. I feel all charged up to start my work without any interruptions.

As I start my day with a cup of some lemon tea and my notepad striking of the done and adding things to do in my job-list I realize that there is so much to accomplish in such little time. I need to finish all this within the time I have set for myself and then rush back home to my baby. She has been waiting for me all day and now I need to make it up to her for staying away all day long.

I send some emails, finish a few calls, sit through a few meetings and close some pending tasks and finally check the watch for lunch. Rush through lunch, actually no maybe I look forward to it because it comes from my mom. And we all know what “maa ke haath ka khana” means….

Soon after lunch back to the grind again after a quick phone call home to check if my little angel has eaten today or not.

At four quickly grab a cup of tea again and have a few team discussions and at 5 back to some last minute stuff as I pack my bags and am ready to leave at 5.30. – 6.00 to avoid the traffic and reach home early. Yes I’m in an envious position as leaving office at this time is unheard of. Even people at work do! I’m use to the glares that I get when I’m at the door which say… how do you manage to leave on time everyday, don’t you have enough work? Not a single one says wow shes got to be good, she is so disciplined to leave office everyday on time. Or ya she can leave as she comes in early as well! But no we ought to be negative!

But I’ve reached a point where it doesn’t affect me, actually nothing affects me but my work and my family. I have managed to prioritize between the two and say there is only so much of me that I can give to each one of them.

As I hail a cab and continue finishing a few work calls and the most important call to my mom, who somehow never runs out of conversation with her daughters.

Excited to go back to my daughter and hug her tight is what I’m looking forward to. As I climb the stairs to the door of my house, I wait to see her face light up as she sees my face. I feel a gush of love and happiness to see, what I mean to her. The world becomes the most beautiful place on earth and life is beautiful suddenly. I dress my little princess in pink and put pretty clips in her hair. While I run in the park, slide with her or swing with her, or fall down while I play ringa ringa roses I am oblivion to everything else.

The evening continues with dinner and her bath time and some more play. As the day ends and she falls asleep I lay down on my bed finally thinking of the day gone by and how I have accomplished something at work, as a mother, as a wife, but the me was missing… while the head was filled with all these thoughts the body had no energy and my eyes closed and the thoughts drifted away to recoup lots of energy for the new day.

As the alarm rings and I open my eyes I see my daughter on one side and my husband on the other, a sense of completeness fills me. I feel content and happy. Yes I am now full of energy and enthusiasm to start a new day that will be brighter than yesterday. The pace of life can never slow me down, words of envious people can never hurt, work will never seem impossible or difficult if I have the people I love by my side.

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Building the nest!

It was a regular Wednesday morning while I was feeding my baby her breakfast by the window sill showing her trees, flowers, cycles, dogs and birds. The birds were fluttering enjoying the weather and loved the winter sun. A constant chirp caught my ears and as I tried tracing that sound I saw a little sparrow build her nest on a tree near my house. I observed her intently and saw how she found fine pieces of straw, grass, wires and build a warm cozy nest for her little babies to arrive. She didn’t know if it was the best nest, how long will it take, is it better than the others, she just kept building to ensure it is safe for her babies.

I looked at my little baby and kissed her as I saw how life is a journey and you keep accumulating so many things on the way. You start with probably nothing and gradually en route you pick up values, culture, friends, siblings, education, knowledge, lovers, soul mates, life partners, enemies, cars, house, gadgets, experiences…

There are times when all that you’ve collected on your way is all lost and you need to start all over again and you’ve lost all energy and enthusiasm, all things material but you still have the education, knowledge, friends, parents, siblings, love and experience. Nobody can ever take that away from you and that’s all that you need to get all that you’ve lost back. So bounce back and you will see that slowly and gradually the hard work and patience will pay off and all that you wanted will be yours of course the struggle is also yours.

Also the person who has lost it all and starts again is fearless and is never scared of trying or innovating as he has now fear to lose or fall. He will succeed a lot more that he was earlier as he now does what he always wanted to do and his way. He also values things a lot more and will therefore always think more rationally and sensibly than earlier.
So build your nest today with all things necessary and don’t lose patience in your journey to get those little pieces together. It’s only a matter of time.

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The NEW of the OLD

As I was changing radio stations on my new ipod player on my way to work, I stumbled on a station that was luckily playing a few old songs and I was happy and elated to finally hear those favorites all over again. I saw myself humming along those songs in no time and going to work on a Monday morning didn’t seem so boring after all. While I enjoyed those songs everything seem to suddenly look so beautiful, the Bombay weather seemed a little chilly finally, people around look happier, I felt happier and therefore more confident. Like a few good old memories had just changed my complete perspective. It suddenly dawned on me that this always happens to me when ever I stumble upon things I leave behind. Lets start from those old clothes that were your favourite and always made you look good, when you clean your cupboard they always bring a smile on your face cause they make you feel good, ah! I was so thin once upon a time. Those school pictures, the ones where the class was suppose to take pictures together standing in height order and people would fight who would sit next to the class teacher. That old car which was really so embarrassing but so much of sentimental value for your dad, you just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t part with it and get you a new one!

Those old saris which your mom wore for her wedding and our all coming back into fashion, you gleam with happiness and your mom is so happy thinking you like her choice and she was fashionable when she was young. The old jewelry which your mom leaves behind trust me don’t think you will find those antique pieces ever. Those old friends whom you bump into at the school reunion or on facebook, that expression of seeing those school mates as wives, mothers and mother in laws is priceless! Those old days which you spent in the school canteen, those days when you were punished outside the class, the madness of staying awake and studying, or the photocopying of notes just before the exam, fighting for the bathroom in the hostel, stealing ‘ghar ka khana’ from some hostel mate, having no pocket money by the 15th of the month and taking ‘udhar’(loan) all seem to go by bringing a smile on your face. Those moments never come back but they are saved in the best moments of your life in the archives of your memory.
We get so engrossed with all that is present and new that we forget all that was important back then and what we are actually made of. New relationships, new friends, new house, new work place that the old seems to suddenly catch dust and the new shines brighter than before just like mastercard reunion ad, one of my favourites along with the famous song "purani jeans aur gitar....'
Clean the dust and visit those old letters, those dried flowers which you saved between your old books, those jeans which you once fitted into, those friends who were the foundation of your growing up years. Don’t lose touch with who you were and trust me you will find the ‘New in the OLD’ and will be happier than ever before.

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When we were small!!!

This is truly inspired by my 3 month old daughter who amazes me with her little acts not every day but every moment.

Here is my lesson learnt…

When we were small everything we did was so cute… our smile so sweet, our tears so precious.

We didn’t care for what clothes we wore. Were they in fashion, were they brand new, what brand were they? Did I wear matching shoes with it? Were my hair shampooed everyday? Those little hands and small feet that cycled in the air, those innocent eyes that said a thousand words. Those cries and coos told everyone what you needed, what comforted you. One sound and the whole house would come running to see you. Wow! Blissful ain’t it.

You lived on milk alone with no other tastes. No Chinese, no thai, no pizza no pasta.
People waited for you too add some more fat. Truly fat looks so sweet only on babies. You never went to the gym to burn those calories, while you played in the garden and fell from the cycle all the chocolates and cheese got burnt.

When we were so small we couldn’t care less what people thought of us, whether they were friends or foes. Anybody who cooed back at us, we heartily cooed back with an innocent smile.
We didn’t know what ego was. There was no forgiveness as there was no disappointment.
There was only love as that was the only emotion we felt.
We didn’t know what religion was until we were taught.

There was no comparison, no envy as we were only content. The most expensive toys didn’t mean anything to us as we loved smiling just looking at the moving ceiling fan. We didn’t understand words to which we hold on so strongly over now. We just knew that somebody is talking to us and it sounded very sweet.

We trusted everybody who held us in their hands, we knew they would look after us really well. We trusted that our parents would give us the best food, values and education. We knew that the milk mom gave us was perfect, the fruits we ate were sweet; the water we bathed with was the right temperature.

We knew that whenever we fall there is mom to pick us up, look after us. Actually failure was never a fear. We fell so often but only to rise and play again.

Do you see the transition as we grow older, materialistic things precede love, you have less friends and more foes. I comes before us. Ego precedes all emotions.
Religion precedes humanity. Envy and competition comes before hard work.
Words have deeper meaning now and we try to dig and interpret those words in many different ways.
Trust seems to have disappeared completely. Once we grow up we don’t trust our parents, friends, spouses, colleagues. We just presume they will do us more harm than good.

Failure just wears us down, we cry over it and often take months and years to regain that strength to rise again. We blame people over our failure instead of starting the attempt to rise again.

I think, no actually believe that god made each one of us perfect but we just lost the goodness he gave us in the journey of life.

Lets try and be children again cause we were the best and the happiest “when we were small”

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Dates to Days

Personal experiences are not always enough to observe… Look around and the world has enough to offer for you to learn everyday. Often we get so consumed by our own problems, life, relationships that we walk in bright daylight with our vision blindfolded.
We become oblivion to life.

More often than not we always have special occasions in our life that earmark our life. A few significant dates that turn our lives around, make them beautiful, exciting or even ugly.

This date may bring you fame, fortune, love, loneliness, togetherness, whatever it maybe, but it will add a new dimension to your life. It could be your first date, your 1st anniversary, 1st birthday celebration with your husband, 1st few years after marriage, your baby’s 1st birthday, 1st promotion, 1st car, 1st day at work…

We celebrate all the firsts with so much excitement and love that the experience is overwhelming.
As we move on in life the past ceases to exist and a few more dates become of significance. Some would say that’s natural progression of life where newer events become significant and some would say those dates which changed your life will always be memorable and need to be cherished.

Let not the newer priorities take precedence over those important dates, they shaped your life. Let the celebrations continue through life for those are dates that bought you closer to your loved ones.

Don’t take those dates for granted there will always be circumstances that will force you to let go of those moments. But don’t succumb to circumstances, don’t let situations precede relationships. They will always provide resistance but it’s the strength of the relationship that needs to battle the resistance.

If you let go of it once, it will be gone for life. The turning points in your life will cease to exist. Soon you will realize that you have no special moments and no special people. All that you gave to those firsts is too far away. In fact after years of togetherness the chocolates that you send taste sweeter, the red roses seem even fresher, those stuff toys seem even more cozy, that candle light dinner and that walk on the beach by the moonlight even more romantic. Your child’s every birthday will mark a year of growing and learning,for the both of you. Your siblings’ occasions will only reassure him of your care and support.

Don’t let those ‘DATES BECOME DAYS’ ….

Start now, celebrate every day that you have with your loved ones and especially those DATES that gave you happiness forever…


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Small joys of life!

As I walk hand in hand with my husband learning to slow down in my last few days of pregnancy at the place that belongs to the common man... Worli sea face.

I am amazed to see or rather it brings a sweet smile on my face of how life gives happiness to everybody.
Sitting on the parapet that's just being renovated most couples sit oblivious to the world spending their best times together.

They sit all evening till finally the security guy whistles and gets them out through the rocks... Those times together always seemed to pass so fast. Some people look at the sea, soul searching waiting for it to reply to the questions in their life. Some others look up at the stars and wish life was beautiful and they achieve all they wish. Some stroll up and down having the conversation of their lifetime.

Some fitness freaks walk the talk and enjoy the freedom that the road offers unlike a gym, with no restrictions. Remember the road comes free and available 24/7.

Animal lovers love the no timings rule where they can spend quality time with their pets at any hour they desire.
Some people exercise in weird poses stretching their arms and legs not bothered wether people laugh at them or not

little children hugged and kissed the statue of the common man by R.K. Laxman not knowing who he was but sure someone important as he posed there. Tourists took pictures with him as memoirs of their visit to one of the tourists spots in Mumbai.

The ice cream vendor on the cycle ringing the bell with kids following him with the hope that their parents would buy them a small candy. A newly married couple sharing a candy that was melting in the Bombay heat but seemed like the best joy toy for them. They looked into each others eyes and shared the candy and laughed on their coloured lips.

An old couple maybe in their 80's where both of them supported and watched the path of the other as they walked along to ensure the other never falls.

A father running after his growing son as he learned to cycle along in life. He may hav ebeen a high profiled banker, a ceo, an ace surgeon but then he was a father.

Shedding all inhibitions people came to this space just to be... Who they were, which role they played nothing mattered. It was their time and they lived it.
Everything wasn't perfect but everybody was happy. Actually after a really longtime I saw that childlike happiness on so many faces at a go.
The simplicity of life is what touched that cord in my heart and made me appreciate small joys of life!!!

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Cardiac Confusion

Half of life's misery comes because of others in your life. Usually (and this is the supreme contradiction) it comes from those you love most. Your own nest becomes a noose; cactus grows in the mulberry bush. And you go blaming yourself. The others who hurt, trouble, torment ought to be the ones going through cause it's because of them that you are going through it, but what do you know – heart hammerer is out on a lucky limb and you are paying with the price of uncried tears.
Not just tears but restless days, sleepless nights and a carnival of cardiac confusion.
Get this straight: you will always be unhappy if you allow your happiness to be determined by other people. You will do your best, you will spray rose petals before they walk, but they won’t think a minute before walking over you or out on you. You give someone the key tp to your piece of mind and they will take your mind. Always the others. Nothing personal. It’s never personal. People hurt you because they are deficient in some way. People don’t respect you because they don’t know what respect means or is. People treat you badly because they don’t know otherwise. People cheat on you and get into adulterous affairs or cheap one night stands because they don’t know your worth – and in all probability their own.

The bad choices people make in their life, reflect on yours, in some divine way those who are out of your life are meant to be out. Don’t march to their doomed drums. It’s their upbringing. Their breeding. Their lifescape. You’re good you’re better than good, why are you raking their sanity? The problem is out there , not in you. If people don’t know who you are, then never mind how much they mean to you, ask them to go walk. Nobody, and I repeat nobody is worth the price of your self respect. In my life, self respect ranks higher than even love. You are a child of god. If god doesn’t treat you this way, who is anybody else to?
People see the world not as is, but as they are. People have their own luggage, their own scars, their own weaknesses, their own misery. Behind their own bravado their own life is falling apart so they try to make yours too. Don’t be fooled or awed by people who have power over you. They only have it because you have given it to them. Usually the biggest bullies are the biggest cowards. The ones who make the most noise are silenced souls. All the banter, swagger, tough-talk chaos a remarkably low opinion of self and life bereft of any joy.

Only unhappy people make others unhappy. Wife-beaters, cheating siblings, ungrateful lovers, rude bosses, callous youngsters, indifferent friends are all a reflection of their own inadequacies. A happy, balanced person will treat you well because that’s how a happy, balanced person is treated.
Today know most of your problems are not your problems but others people’s problems. You’re fine, you’re better than fine and you’ll get along fine. The best part of your life is you, the best friend is god and you’ve been burying yourself and god. God will never hurt you, it’s the wrong people you choose who do.

Life is beautiful, you are beautiful, it’s the outside world that is ugly. Just allow god in, then close the door, change the locks and bring the champagne out. I never feel sorry for who or what I’ve lost, I just feel sorry for the things and people who’ve lost me. Because I know the circle of life completes itself for the faithful. You’ll win in the end, but to win in the end, play your life with some more dignity, play it with grace, play it with gratitude and play it with the awesome love of god that is just waiting to be part of your life.

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