New lines at every age

So am just back from a dream holiday and into those soul searching moods trying to understand life, ok guys attempting to understand life and I stumble upon the latest bazaar magazine. Must confess its one of my favourites. There is a lot of stuff that’s inaccessible and makes me just flip through the pages without a second glance. When I say inaccessible I mean its not even aspirational.

Anyways so coming back to the woman who made me get back to writing is none other than Sushmita Sen. Yes I think she is intelligent, gracious, gorgeous and conducts & carries herself with utmost dignity. So while the journo asks her all about her style and she talks about how she her sense has evolved from being a regular teenager in Delhi to her style after she won the pageant and how style evolves with age. So true. Cant even think actually I can but maybe I don’t want to share how I was way back then.

So while she talks us through her favourite designers they ask her about looking fab at every age and she says, “ It’s very important to like yourself. ‘At every age there are NEW LINES, new structural changes in your body, on your skin. When you start accepting and liking your flaws, they go away. Learn to like that extra line which comes when you think; it wasn’t there before – you’ve earned it.”

Here are her pics when she was 19 and now when she is 35.

I loved her thoughts on this. It makes me go back in time though not long ago when I turned 30 and everybody around told me dam, you’re getting old, you will grey and need to start worrying about anti – ageing, hair colour and middle age crisis and all that crap. But now when I think about my self I feel wow I’ve never felt better about myself. I’ve evolved in every sense and I’m so comfortable in the space I belong today.

So all those women don’t let those lines, the colour, sagging skin, etc take you over. Its important to address it but not get bogged down by it. You are just as appealing to all the people who matter to you as you were earlier or may be even more. They appreciate you now more than ever before.
P.S. For all those who’ve skipped watching Turning 30 starring Gul Panag, please watch it.

Bouncing Board:

Was just reading Shahrukhs interview in the BT this morning and I found it so genuine and sweet that for his latest film his bouncing board is none other than his son Aryaan. Its quite strange how are bouncing boards keep changing through the different stages in our lives. So we start with mom when we are young, then with friends or siblings as teenagers & early twenties, then moves to boyfriend through mid twenties and husband/fiancé by late twenties, early thirties. As we grow through the years are bouncing boards keep adding and changing and we realize how some people just stay with us always.

As we grow older or should I say our kids grow older they will become an altar to share most things as we feel they are more cued on to life than us. They will add the new age perspective and are more today and Gen next than us.

You will also realize how some relationships wont make it through or maybe some people were left behind and sometimes even the person you are closest to cannot be your bouncing board and the older ones just continue. I have been one of the lucky ones to have more than one bouncing boards in my mom, sisters, my husband, my mother in law and now my daughter. And something inside me tells me that all of these will stay.

When I think of my relationship with them I just realize that I am so blessed to have these people around me and they love me for the all the madness I bring to their lives, all the problems, confusions, fun, and all my flaws. It makes me feel special that they love me and have stood by me inspite of all my imperfections. Yes I don’t have any qualms about admitting that I’m not perfect and feel no one is, its just that we never want to accept it. Anyways that aside just realize that how all these people in my life are so encouraging and have different perspective to the same situation. E.g. Your mom will find everything you do flawless and feels like “ wow my daughter did this”, can so empathize with this after being a mom, at the same time your sibling will be ruthlessly straight forward as they are use to the fights and patch ups through the years. They are never scared to tell you anything. Husbands/boyfriends know the truth but have to do it tactfully without hurting you. Actually it depends on how many number of years you have been together and what stage is your relationship. But more often than not its one of your strongest ones, in my case it is. Mother in laws, this one I don’t know how many women in India will agree as she is the most hated creature for most of them but I love mine and she has really been an anchor in my life with all my relationships and been a guide to me as a person. My daughter is my bouncing board already at 2. Whenever my husband is traveling and I tell her aanya I am missing papa she will pacify me and tell me mom, its ok be strong I am there with you na, its ok don’t be upset. Then she gives me a power that is infused with unconditional love and warmth. Love you aanya.

I feel blessed to be here and know that I am not alone in this life and I have so many people who love and listen to me

Un - Clan!

Don’t think the show KWK would have got great TRP’s last night but honestly I thought it was a fab show. One for Karan to call people he doesn’t hang out with all the time so it gets interesting and they have a different perspective vs. the same stuff and aura that he brings to the show. Secondly to call a guy who is just so honest & has such a brilliant attitude to life.

Honestly until yesterday I didn’t care much about John Abraham and thought he was a guy with a fab body and the only movies I loved him in were Jism, New York, Dhoom & Dostana. Yesterday after the show which they promoted as a really sex – y show with John being this ultimate sex baba or something was just so much more than that.

When he was asked questions on Bipasha he refused to comment saying its personal and he doesn’t care of what the speculation is. Then he had no qualms about admitting that he is often not the first choice for a lot of movies and he is ok with it. Wow he is really a solid guy, I mean literally. One is to know it and be comfortable with it and the other is to publicly acknowledge it. Cant seem to understand how people do that, na!

As the show moved on to the rapid fire round I was quite amazed at his response to a lot of the answers. Sonam Kapoor great pretty looking girl, very honest, etc. But the answers I absolutely loved were:
Q: Imran, Ranbir or shahid the star you would bet your money on
A: why would I bet my money on

Q: Shahrukh, Salman or Aamir the Khan of all seasons
A: Karan why are you clannish? Why cant we have Devgans or Kapoors or Singhs. Ajay Devgan has delivered the biggest hits last year

With this answer Karan Johar was actually stumped and I think even he realized that he was clannish.

We all have our comfort zones and just want to move about in the same zone. It takes so much more of us to break away from the good old stuff and say or do something different. All the guests on the show made choices with whatever question they got vs. just thinking it could be a different response.

Big bow to John for doing just that and being so brutally honest. Lesson well taught! Karan are you listening?

I want my private life back!

In a general discussion over lunch the other day we stumbled on the topic, blurring lines between work & private time. As the conversation progressed my friend told me that how her ex colleagues have now become really good friends and they practically hang together all weekends. I went back in time to think of all those Friday evenings before my daughter was born, where we all went for a Friday evening drink and relaxed and shed our inhibitions and egos to become a great team and above all great friends. Alcohol sure helps bonding, I completely endorse it!

Obviously people who were compromised in the bargain were friends “friends” and my dear husband.

Going out is no longer restricted to friends alone, you will always have someone from work to entertain all the time, after all its always important to network right? Says who!!!

Do we actually want to stay connected with work all the time or is it the lack of inclination to explore other interests that keeps us addicted to work all the time. Or is it our insecurities of being dispensable that makes us respond to all communication even if it isn’t earth shattering and could wait until Monday.

It is I who has made the choice to compromise that weekend, nobody has asked me to. I don’t want to compartmentalize my life but integrate it to ensure I straddle all relationships all the time. Remember we all believe that we have to keep everybody happy.

No time for myself or lets put it this way struggle to prioritize time for myself over the week to pursue anything but work. Even if I do that place/hobby needs to help me network. E.g. more and more people wanting to join clubs, gyms, classes, games that actually helps them initiate a conversation. It reminds me of a conversation with a friend where she became a member of a really nice new club but she was upset as she did not get membership to the ‘IT’ club where the crowd would have been better and she could network well to climb the ladder up faster.

This is also a quality that we are subconsciously passing onto our children. No activity for ourselves or bad time management is what they will pick up from us. We will push them to academics by default and compromise on their hobby or passion which could be their careers tomorrow.

Is this the reason why a lot of us get burnt out earlier than we could work and we want to take that time off even if it’s the peak of our career?

So what am I going to do about it? I no longer know how to silo myself from work.

So, gang, has anyone cracked this nut? How do you draw firm lines to give yourself true time off when, no matter what you do, the world keeps spinning, the conversation keeps going, and the work keeps piling up?

Needless to say, I'll be checking this discussion 24/7.

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The Art of Management!

I am a post graduate in Management and I must say I have literally mastered it. We all master the art of managing pretty early in life. In fact that’s what we are taught right? We teach our kids how to juggle between studies & play. As they grow up how to manage relationships, then work, then family and it just goes on.

It just seems like a never ending journey of juggling priorities and obviously leaving some stuff undone. You are bound to ruffle a few feathers but we are actually as people so scared to say NO, atleast I am that on the contrary if I need to stretch myself at work or home I will do it. Especially the Indian woman, the giving goddess will go all out for it. Ok come back from the memories of all the times when you wanted to but couldn’t say NO. Remember all those times when you wanted to take off and your boss said NO. You gave in or ‘Managed’ it by saying I will take my leave but complete the work. And then while you attend those maddening calls on your holiday you’ve upset your family and yourself.

In this process of stretching to deliver the elasticity is lost and there will be a point in time when there will be so much tension on the band that it will break. It’s probably delivering under its actual capacity because it’s just about managing.

We manage everything from money, to multiple roles, work, relationships, everything. At every bend of life there is a moment where your mind takes over and prioritizes decisions for you and then you manage between the two decisions.

Think about all those times you got selfish and actually said a NO, I’m sure you remember the consequences they weren’t very pleasant. You were punished for being selfish. It’s Ok to be selfish sometimes and say NO, all we seek is an assurance from someone.

We also often fear being bitched about/or spoken ill about when we would say no, to ensure we maintain that imagery/perception we give into managing

Don’t give in and be a great manager, learn to address things beyond managing. It’s Ok as it does pay off in the long term.

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The Winning Horse!

This is an experience that I’m sure all of us have been through at some point in our lives. Be it at work, home or in any relationship. The love, attention, affection is always on the one who brings the trophy home. While you are good you bask in the glory of success and when you can’t win no more you stand in the last row to be pictured.
Here’s what I mean. Look at actors, while they are young and have lots of hits and scandals, they are oh so hot, when they prioritize family over career they often need to make a strong comeback to make their presence felt.

Parents who have 2 children will always be more bent towards the child who draws attention either for his mischief, his looks, studies, sports, all in all fame.
Think of the preferred daughter in law at home… the preferred one always calls the shots.

At work, this is a classic… you know there is someone who gets his way through anything that he says, gets less work more money, is always the one in the consideration set all the time. Relax its life it happens. It’s the rule of life. Envy will not get you results. I know its easier said than done but try just let go the minute the thought even occurs especially all you girls just think of something else immediately and divert your attention.

The rule is more risk more money, whoever gets the moolah in hogs the limelight and all rules are amended for him. When things go wrong as they sometimes will the winning horse may get pardoned a couple of times but after that he will be the first one to face the axe as well

So all you winning horses don’t let the fame get to your head, love the good times and always be prepared for the bad. Like Krishna said work hard unconditionally and results will follow. Trust me you will be a winning horse one day and enjoy all the glitterati of the winning horse.


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Building the nest!

It was a regular Wednesday morning while I was feeding my baby her breakfast by the window sill showing her trees, flowers, cycles, dogs and birds. The birds were fluttering enjoying the weather and loved the winter sun. A constant chirp caught my ears and as I tried tracing that sound I saw a little sparrow build her nest on a tree near my house. I observed her intently and saw how she found fine pieces of straw, grass, wires and build a warm cozy nest for her little babies to arrive. She didn’t know if it was the best nest, how long will it take, is it better than the others, she just kept building to ensure it is safe for her babies.

I looked at my little baby and kissed her as I saw how life is a journey and you keep accumulating so many things on the way. You start with probably nothing and gradually en route you pick up values, culture, friends, siblings, education, knowledge, lovers, soul mates, life partners, enemies, cars, house, gadgets, experiences…

There are times when all that you’ve collected on your way is all lost and you need to start all over again and you’ve lost all energy and enthusiasm, all things material but you still have the education, knowledge, friends, parents, siblings, love and experience. Nobody can ever take that away from you and that’s all that you need to get all that you’ve lost back. So bounce back and you will see that slowly and gradually the hard work and patience will pay off and all that you wanted will be yours of course the struggle is also yours.

Also the person who has lost it all and starts again is fearless and is never scared of trying or innovating as he has now fear to lose or fall. He will succeed a lot more that he was earlier as he now does what he always wanted to do and his way. He also values things a lot more and will therefore always think more rationally and sensibly than earlier.
So build your nest today with all things necessary and don’t lose patience in your journey to get those little pieces together. It’s only a matter of time.

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3 Idiots unearthed

On a lazy Xmas afternoon there couldn't have been a more sensible decision than watching the most awaited bolly flick of the year with 4 stars. Though not an Aamir fan I know that his movies make sense, they have a soul and understated style and screenplay that instantly strikes a chord and makes you love the movie.
As we rushed to the theatre and settled with a tub of popcorn and chai ready to watch a movie in the theatres after ages, have to admit I loved it, 3 hours of exclusive me time... Woo hoo!

Ok getting back, so the movie started and the audience in the theatre getting into giggles already and those faint giggles grew to loud continuous laughter. The humour was excellent with great timing and the message so simple but strong. As the movie progressed it took me through various roles of my lives as a child, teenager in college, as a girlfriend, as a friend as a wife and finally a mother. It was like a deja vous to see each role so beautifully essayed just flash in front of my eyes and making me relive those moments and help me grow in those roles.

I wouldn’t share the movie details with you as you definitely have to watch it, but will definitely say don’t leave behind the learning’s that you get from it. That simple message of application & practical education is what we need to implement and not be a victim of peer pressure. For all those parents & teachers let our kids be they will learn at their own pace and follow their heart. Push them to achieve what they want to and not what you want to. Its ok, to fall learn, and change the path you set out on. Parents, be the guiding light in your child’s life. Let them explore and learn and don’t teach them everything. The experience when they learn on their own is far more enriching and will prepare them for all the times when you will not be around.
And nothing can be more convincing than 3 idiots giving you such an important and simple message that its ok to be happy than successful and do what you always want to and not what others want you to be. Stop pushing your children to be what you always wanted to be.


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The NEW of the OLD

As I was changing radio stations on my new ipod player on my way to work, I stumbled on a station that was luckily playing a few old songs and I was happy and elated to finally hear those favorites all over again. I saw myself humming along those songs in no time and going to work on a Monday morning didn’t seem so boring after all. While I enjoyed those songs everything seem to suddenly look so beautiful, the Bombay weather seemed a little chilly finally, people around look happier, I felt happier and therefore more confident. Like a few good old memories had just changed my complete perspective. It suddenly dawned on me that this always happens to me when ever I stumble upon things I leave behind. Lets start from those old clothes that were your favourite and always made you look good, when you clean your cupboard they always bring a smile on your face cause they make you feel good, ah! I was so thin once upon a time. Those school pictures, the ones where the class was suppose to take pictures together standing in height order and people would fight who would sit next to the class teacher. That old car which was really so embarrassing but so much of sentimental value for your dad, you just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t part with it and get you a new one!

Those old saris which your mom wore for her wedding and our all coming back into fashion, you gleam with happiness and your mom is so happy thinking you like her choice and she was fashionable when she was young. The old jewelry which your mom leaves behind trust me don’t think you will find those antique pieces ever. Those old friends whom you bump into at the school reunion or on facebook, that expression of seeing those school mates as wives, mothers and mother in laws is priceless! Those old days which you spent in the school canteen, those days when you were punished outside the class, the madness of staying awake and studying, or the photocopying of notes just before the exam, fighting for the bathroom in the hostel, stealing ‘ghar ka khana’ from some hostel mate, having no pocket money by the 15th of the month and taking ‘udhar’(loan) all seem to go by bringing a smile on your face. Those moments never come back but they are saved in the best moments of your life in the archives of your memory.
We get so engrossed with all that is present and new that we forget all that was important back then and what we are actually made of. New relationships, new friends, new house, new work place that the old seems to suddenly catch dust and the new shines brighter than before just like mastercard reunion ad, one of my favourites along with the famous song "purani jeans aur gitar....'
Clean the dust and visit those old letters, those dried flowers which you saved between your old books, those jeans which you once fitted into, those friends who were the foundation of your growing up years. Don’t lose touch with who you were and trust me you will find the ‘New in the OLD’ and will be happier than ever before.

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It’s blue all the way

As an expectant mother I was enjoying every moment of my pregnancy waiting for an angel to brighten my beautiful life further. My husband and I prayed for a little princess to come into our lives and fill our lives with colour, fun and happiness.

But in this beautiful journey of parenthood we soon realized that even in this current age, a lot of people, be it the villages, cities or the western world still wish for a boy.

I remember my Godh bharai ceremony (baby shower) when all my relatives and friends came over to wish me and the baby lots of health & happiness. They all secretly told me “I wish you a boy” and I wondered why? Just wish me a healthy baby that’s all I ask of you.

Through all my sonograms my husband and I were inquisitive for sure to know whether it is a boy or a girl but always scared to ask the doctor. Actually it wasn’t so much of being scared but actually killing the suspense at the time of delivery.

The speculation while you are pregnant, the baby shower games, the Chinese calendar its all fun and let it be that way. The suspense will actually keep you going till the last month. It’s fun to know what everybody is betting on!

To be honest until the 32nd week I really was biased and wanted a girl but after that week I just wanted a normal healthy baby! The sex just didn’t make any difference to me any more. I was nervous…

I still remember the delivery table and the final push when I was exhausted and with a shaking voice I asked my doctor is it a girl? And he said yes and I screamed with joy! And couldn’t stop telling myself WOW! it’s a girl, it’s a girl as I held my nervous first time father, husbands hand.
I truly thought at that moment that ya, maybe god does give you what you ask for!

Soon after I delivered a lot many people came by and consoled me don’t worry you can try again and it may be the next time around it would be a boy or would subtly put it good now with a boy the next time it will be a complete family.

As days went by and I strolled in the garden with my daughter in the pram, a neighbour came by and told me to try having my next baby after prescribed medication from a gynaec who can guarantee a son. Didn’t know you have guarantees for this as well! I just fail to understand if natures chosen something for you let it give you that don’t go against it.

I just heard all of it and wondered wow, we may want to believe that the world has changed but its not! And trust me it’s not an India phenomenon only. The western world also is partial to blue and the East, cannot comment on it at all cause the lives that the women are made to lead there, even I would wish anybody a boy. Cannot have any more women subjected to slavery any more.
So the world over, It’s blue all the way…

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My Best Friend

While the evenings get darker early in the so called winter(Bombay only gets fewer hours of light but where's the winter:() and as I sit back in the cab to get home unable to read, I realized how important is the 'phone' in our lives.

While I was busy catching with friends, work, parents, emails and obviously face book, all the moments that my phone had rescued me and given me company just quickly flew by my eyes. Either a boring party that I was attending alone where I finished meeting most people or was in between meeting 2 people or when you are early for a meeting.
At the parlour its the best time actually, or while traveling. The phone seems to come handy all the time. Its become less of a tool of communication and more of a companion. Its something that most people can't leave their homes without. You know all those celeb columns of what's in your bag or cant leave home without, the phone always makes it there!

Your best friend knows your calendar your notes your most intimate conversations. Almost a confidant. You also kind of love her and her appearance is of utmost importance to you. That's why you get the most fancy and expensive one then dress her up with a case or a few tassels.

It's also a cause for fights between a lot of couples today as the girl chats away and the guy possibly cant stop messing with it. Or those late nights when you suddenly wake up and cant put yourself back to sleep and unconsciously start checking your emails or start playing brick breaker or tetris.

Think about it when you forget something at home your lunch, a book, a file or your phone you get most restless when...




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Young and Restless

It was a lazy Saturday evening with friends and some freshly brewed coffee. It was after a long time that all of us decided to do nothing and to just catch up on life. As the evening progressed and our conversations moved from the regular humour and banter to sharing dreams and ambitions I realized how the quest to rise and rise fast is the only thing on the minds of the youth today.

I will admit that I am a part of this clan. Our need to accomplish and accomplish at a younger age is taking over a lot of 'me' time or 'family' time. As we discussed our goals and lives 5 years down the line, there were comments like "boss jaldi paisa kamana hai, par kaise?"(I want to make some quick money but how?) "I don't mind doing anything dude but its gotta be quick". Our parents had the time we don't ya, where's the time? Our parents went for their first foreign holiday at 50; we want to do it at 20 and our kids at 2. That's the pace and we all need to keep up.

As the discussion moved on we came to discussing babies and how it’s so expensive to raise them and so time consuming and restricting to careers, personal accomplishment, relationships, travel that it’s best to restrict it to one. My mind drifted away to the conversation I had a few weeks ago with my mom and remembered her words, “you’ll think so much about yourselves vs. us who thought about our kids all the time.” She is often amazed at how every activity in our lives is so planned and calculated including having kids. She often tells me “don’t think so much, har baccha ya insaan apna naseeb leke aata hai.”(Each child/person will come with his fate, so don’t think so much). Sub consciously I thought my god it would be such a riot if my mom was part of this discussion.

We then moved onto social skills and how it’s so important to network to climb that ladder fast. All the boys defended themselves saying that's why they keep doing their boys night out. (We believe them). I agree that today your social skills and ability to network that can get you going and going great places. The result is obviously evident with the amount of time we spend on these social networking sites.

It was almost dawn as we discussed our lives, we all agreed with some and disagreed with some. I listened to all my friends intently, soul searching and trying to identify traits that drive all of us today keeping us so young and restless

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Weekends

Running through my personal job list this morning just realized that this weekend again will be really busy.

Yeah, the job list is really critical; our personal and professional lives just centres around this one piece of paper with many scribbles that determines our productivity at the end of the day.

Earlier it was only a Sunday but now it’s progressed to a Sat & Sun. There is so much of catching up to do over the weekend that it’s become a working day for all your personal chores. That’s why more often than not a lot of people have their status on Facebook on Fri as “TGIF”

Paying the bills, figuring out finances, entertainment, exercise, family time, it’s all packed in those 2 days. We pacify ourselves by believing that things even though they may be priority all could be fitted in those 2 days and its fine.

When I head to work every day I feel sad leaving my 1 year old daughter at home but all I do is just reason with myself thinking its Wednesday just 3 more days to go and the weekend I will be with her. Teaching her, trying new food, playing with her, taking her to the garden, or for a swim is all planned for the weekend. Not like she doesn't need it over the weekday but its leisure of time that ensures I push it for the weekend.

Even if it is having an important conversation with my husband that might take a wee bit longer is scheduled for the weekend. Meeting parents who always yearn to see their daughter and grand daughter is also scheduled over the weekend. Groceries, cooking, cleaning, repairs, the list is endless… all over the weekend. More often than not we just push so many things for the weekend forgetting that may be important for the person, or for that relatonship. The dearth of time I guess has made us so self centered.

The way we dress, what we do, our personalities, food, everything is at two extremes. The weekend means its about junk food, eating out, drinking, late nights and relaxed dressing.

We've literally split our lives into two with weekdays and weekends. Over the week we push ourselves to just accomplish so much that we exhaust all of our selves and try to regain and recouperate over the weekend. But life doesn't compartmentalize itself like that. It is the same every day and there is so much to love, enjoy, work learn and grow over the week as much over the weekend. Think about it, haven’t you already started planning your weekend again?


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Dates to Days

Personal experiences are not always enough to observe… Look around and the world has enough to offer for you to learn everyday. Often we get so consumed by our own problems, life, relationships that we walk in bright daylight with our vision blindfolded.
We become oblivion to life.

More often than not we always have special occasions in our life that earmark our life. A few significant dates that turn our lives around, make them beautiful, exciting or even ugly.

This date may bring you fame, fortune, love, loneliness, togetherness, whatever it maybe, but it will add a new dimension to your life. It could be your first date, your 1st anniversary, 1st birthday celebration with your husband, 1st few years after marriage, your baby’s 1st birthday, 1st promotion, 1st car, 1st day at work…

We celebrate all the firsts with so much excitement and love that the experience is overwhelming.
As we move on in life the past ceases to exist and a few more dates become of significance. Some would say that’s natural progression of life where newer events become significant and some would say those dates which changed your life will always be memorable and need to be cherished.

Let not the newer priorities take precedence over those important dates, they shaped your life. Let the celebrations continue through life for those are dates that bought you closer to your loved ones.

Don’t take those dates for granted there will always be circumstances that will force you to let go of those moments. But don’t succumb to circumstances, don’t let situations precede relationships. They will always provide resistance but it’s the strength of the relationship that needs to battle the resistance.

If you let go of it once, it will be gone for life. The turning points in your life will cease to exist. Soon you will realize that you have no special moments and no special people. All that you gave to those firsts is too far away. In fact after years of togetherness the chocolates that you send taste sweeter, the red roses seem even fresher, those stuff toys seem even more cozy, that candle light dinner and that walk on the beach by the moonlight even more romantic. Your child’s every birthday will mark a year of growing and learning,for the both of you. Your siblings’ occasions will only reassure him of your care and support.

Don’t let those ‘DATES BECOME DAYS’ ….

Start now, celebrate every day that you have with your loved ones and especially those DATES that gave you happiness forever…


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Never say Never

I always thought I was organized, set and controlled in life. I had complete control of life and I wouldn’t digress from all that was planned.

To be organized, to plan, to make pert charts was probably my biggest obsession. The smallest of task and my network sheets would crop up. I could never wait for life to happen to me. I knew I had to make life happen.

Confident, aggressive, ambitious, little proud & pompous, life couldn't be wrong with me…that was my belief, or probably most of us believe in that. Until the heights collapse, the walls narrow in, hopes sink, waves calm down and people seem scarce. the phrase.
“It can never happen to me” ceases to exist.

That’s the time god makes you believe in his existence and crushes that pride that made you into a ‘not so good’ human being. He will make you realize of his superiority, his powers and the castle of cards you thought was a steady shelter in your life.

When one stands atop the highest peak, things seem small and tiny, probably unimportant. The words in your conscience are “I will ‘never’ ever be down there.”
The road ahead seems dearer than the journey you left behind. We forget the golden rule in life;
“Rise and fall is a rule in life with no exceptions.”
Not everybody needs to walk downhill or tread the path he left behind but it’s just that, “NEVER” forget the lessons you absorbed on the way and be unaccepting to life. At any point in time remember you will need to embrace life with whatever it holds for you then

Sometimes you wish you had more control over situations that can just sweep you off your feet. When you feel that once I achieve this I progress a step further and will do this and once I achieve that I will work towards the other. That achievement that stability you wish to achieve and use as a base for next steps is a myth, a mirage that is never realized. As you move closer to what you call achievement sucks you in further more and you lose yourself to situations and circumstances.

Today you believe that I don’t want this or I can make this happen at my time, my pace or when I am ready for it. But my friend we don’t live in isolation. Our lives are so entwined with so many other people and forces that it takes, people, energy and forces to all unite at one time and make things happen. There is no either or!

It’s not procrastination but the belief or rather overconfidence that I and ‘me’ solely can make anything happen when I want it. I know a lot of people who spend years chasing bachelor hood and when the y seek companionship finally they fail to see anybody around. That carnival of people around suddenly seemed to elope. Then either it’s no companion or not a perfect companion.

I know friends of mine who tell me I will ‘never’ want to have babies, I don’t want babies yet, or its too early, or cant compromise ‘us’ for ‘it’ yet. They thought they could plan ‘life’. They craved, pleaded and begged to god to make it happen but it didn’t…
They believe that it will happen but, just the journey now seems so long.

I know some friends who believed that they were the best, life would walk to them, they looked down on people, laughed at their miseries, wondered how it would be to have a tough life. They were so happy reveling in the good life that it blinded them until god opened the blindfold and showed them life. Now those eyes are sensitive and can see through problems of all. Now those are eyes are happy to help and not judgmental

We all live in this eternal faith that “it will ‘never’ happen to me”. I will ‘never’ do this, I ‘never’ want this, I ‘never’ will have to put my hands forward. I ‘never’ will have to see downhill, life can ‘never’ be bad with me.
The battle is not with the time you need to get there, or the pace you want to progress at. Just be open and accepting of the fact that today you don’t want it, tomorrow you can’t or may not have it.

Life will happen at the pace you want it at, just delete the ‘never’ in your life coz life keeps changing and situations and circumstances make us do things we thought we’d thought we will ‘NEVER’ do.

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Everything you want, you will have

This one is from the man who inspired me to write. whose columns made me religiously read the Bombay Times every tuesday. Cyrus Merchant, he made me believe in life.

There is a place and a time where everything will be well. and you will be present there. Am I merely some merchant of hope, selling you soap for the soul each time I write, will what I tell you ever bear fruit, your fruit? That you will know and until you do, believe. Believe that this whole thing we are all a part of was not designed to end in despair.

Besides that this whole thing which we so little understand, has at the helm, someone who does understand. god is too good too let it be bad for you, for long. Heaven won’t keep you hungry, it will serve you a banquet. But here’s the difficult part: you may not get your deepest hunger for whatever it is you are hungry, fulfilled here and now, accept certain inalienable truths. accept them as god’s will. A will you don’t want, hate can’t understand. One that makes you ask aloud "why is god doing this?" Yes, in the pressure cooker of your prayers, burning on the slow flame of faith, for years you asked and it is still being denied.

Don’t curse and turn your flame off, your faith may not have won for you, but it will warm you. The serenity prayer which every living adult is familiar with is more profound than we know... ‘god help me to accept that which I cannot change.’

Millions before you have resigned at the altar of his wish.... and found happiness. The house of the lord has many rooms, some will welcome us. The wisdom lies in not banging on the door that can never be opened.
At a breath-takingly beautiful lunch at six pm with a lake down below, an old friend awash with wine and some of life’s most mature living, concluded that no matter what we do and what we try, god’s way is final. Only humans rush where even angels fear to tread and then we live lifetimes paying the price.

God always gives us what we want; when will we give god what he wants? having said the difficult part for you and having said so after having seen many lose their dream, their loved one, sickness battles lost even after persistent prayers, I know that in some enchanted place where there is a perfect music, everything will be alright again. you will have what you want. and you will have who you want but not now. Perhaps even when your eyes are closed and you are a part of a world that is not this one, you will have your heart opened with joy.

God’s delays aren’t god’s denials. Sometimes he says "yes," sometimes he says "no." and sometimes he says "wait." Pray with the intellect of your soul and find out which of these three is his answer to you and then have the grace to accept, and have the sense to know that god knows what we think we know and have once and for all, the supreme liberating knowledge of that if you can be with god through life, no matter what, then life is with you, no matter what.

You only need obedience, you only need to be exceptionally good, you only need to be eternally religious or spiritual through life, on his side. Just never give up and fight the fight with a smiling soul the play is infinitely more significant than the problem.

Your life is not your problem. your problem is a part of your life, it is not your life. Cross the river if it’s stormy on this side, but don’t keep cursing, crying, the river will flow anyway.

Life will go on and you will be left behind. what kills homes, families and individuals and may be you is not your problem, but in the way you perceive it. There is more good to your life than bad. and the bad will go, it all always ends in good. that’s why they’re all working there - for us.

There are only happy endings; it’s the interruptions that are sad. I know you will be very happy because that is the eternal promise made to us.
og mandino said it beautifully: just before you were born, just before you were coming out of your mother’s womb and into this world, god whispered to you - "you are my greatest miracle" and you will be loved by me through life." then we were delivered and we forget his last words to us. Remember god’s promise to you. Remember that when you go back to him, you will find everything repaired again. Nobody is unhappy, nobody is dead, nothing is wrong in an increasingly materialistic world, I have nothing to offer you, but this - in some enchanted place, when god is happy with you, you will find your loved one, your miracle, your greatest joy... and you will remember what you read today.

Believe in your faith, it will come true. Don't lose the belief incase of delays...

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Small joys of life!

As I walk hand in hand with my husband learning to slow down in my last few days of pregnancy at the place that belongs to the common man... Worli sea face.

I am amazed to see or rather it brings a sweet smile on my face of how life gives happiness to everybody.
Sitting on the parapet that's just being renovated most couples sit oblivious to the world spending their best times together.

They sit all evening till finally the security guy whistles and gets them out through the rocks... Those times together always seemed to pass so fast. Some people look at the sea, soul searching waiting for it to reply to the questions in their life. Some others look up at the stars and wish life was beautiful and they achieve all they wish. Some stroll up and down having the conversation of their lifetime.

Some fitness freaks walk the talk and enjoy the freedom that the road offers unlike a gym, with no restrictions. Remember the road comes free and available 24/7.

Animal lovers love the no timings rule where they can spend quality time with their pets at any hour they desire.
Some people exercise in weird poses stretching their arms and legs not bothered wether people laugh at them or not

little children hugged and kissed the statue of the common man by R.K. Laxman not knowing who he was but sure someone important as he posed there. Tourists took pictures with him as memoirs of their visit to one of the tourists spots in Mumbai.

The ice cream vendor on the cycle ringing the bell with kids following him with the hope that their parents would buy them a small candy. A newly married couple sharing a candy that was melting in the Bombay heat but seemed like the best joy toy for them. They looked into each others eyes and shared the candy and laughed on their coloured lips.

An old couple maybe in their 80's where both of them supported and watched the path of the other as they walked along to ensure the other never falls.

A father running after his growing son as he learned to cycle along in life. He may hav ebeen a high profiled banker, a ceo, an ace surgeon but then he was a father.

Shedding all inhibitions people came to this space just to be... Who they were, which role they played nothing mattered. It was their time and they lived it.
Everything wasn't perfect but everybody was happy. Actually after a really longtime I saw that childlike happiness on so many faces at a go.
The simplicity of life is what touched that cord in my heart and made me appreciate small joys of life!!!

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Sea of Change

What a wonderful thing change can be and how much we resist it. Last week I met an old friend who had a few months ago given up his cushy job as an investment banker only to pursue his first love, teaching. He had to give up his well appointed Malabar Hill apartment, his club memberships, even his holidays abroad, but the peace and contentment on his face was worth seeing. He walked, lived likely finally he found his ground, his calling, his life. Of course there had been trepidation, would his daughter adjust to the change in lifestyle, school, miss the luxuries of life.

Did he deprive her of it, was he being selfish. Is giving up luxury for love foolish? Once the moment passes by those luxuries seem petty, those friends who didn’t hold on with your status change seem worthless.

If they didn’t support your calling they weren’t your friends. If you cease to be reason enough to your friends, you were definitely treading the wrong path. Change. How much we fear it. And how important it is for us to experience it. And any change, not only when good things happen to us, but also when the bad things occur.

Life is, as any enlightened sage will tell you, is a constant interplay of interconnected opposites, good and bad, happy and sad, kind and cruel. In what doses no one can say, but what s absolutely certain is that nothing lasts forever, and change is inevitable. We are all so adaptable that we will survive and learn the tricks of the new trade. After a while we will also enjoy the new trade. You will survive and then live. Its only a matter of time.

My friend who chucked his job as a banker now has time to read to his daughter, accompany his wife to the plays she longed to see hand in hand and read the book he always wanted. Its not all hunky dory, there are the inevitable lows as well. But he says for 24 years I hung on to my job as a banker and worked myself to sickness and death so frightened of losing it; or not reaching the top, or not performing to my bosses expectations. And then finally when I let go, the relief was so much. I confronted my worst fear and insecurity and found that I had still survived.

Change. See what you hold dear in your life, what you cling to, and hanker for. And be courageous and let go. Go with the flow, don’t surrender to life, be that unpredictable crazy river that decided her own course and is never scared to chase her dreams, her heart. Jump with out looking. And you will see that the safety net will always be there. It might not be the net you wanted. But something for someone will be there to break your fall, and hold you.

Change something. Anything. Remove just one thing, from your life, and see what life puts back in as a surprise.

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Destiny

It makes me laugh sometimes... Is ' Destiny' for real... is Life ruled by RULES ???

I love to discuss about the inevitable! love to think about it, love to debate about it. I sometimes wonder if everything is 'meant to be'.

There are more questions than answers here ... Just pondering... thinking again... wondering... if someone somewhere knows whats going to happen next! Next is a big word, Next is also a mystery for most of us!

On one side, there are all these rules that exist, systems of nature ... there are days and nights, there is logic to existence - we need food to survive, we need to love and be loved, we need to take a dump (well its a reality), Things that are a part of these set of rules that are a necessity to our existence...

On the other side... well there is this Chaos... organised chaos where in Destiny is just a way of blaming our wrongs and hoping for rights to come soon.

But again... we never know ... Life is amazing, it leaves me in sheer appreciation of the Force... Some call it 'God'!

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Smile

A few lines that I wrote years ago which made sense then now and forever

To smile in victory is easy,
to show a brave face in defeat, difficult

How do I take defeat?
How do I accept a set back to my plans?
Can I control my feelings when i experience disappointment?
Can I start again with courage after a first or second failure?

Do I find excuses, sulk, be bitter, complain to everybody when things go wrong,
when I think I have beensnubbed, when a better man has been given the chance I anticipated?

Adversity and contradictions bring out strong characters and help strengthen them.
Criticism should be an eye opener as regards to shortcomings

Our self relaince and conceit, our vanity and pride collapse under the blows of failure as butter melts in the sun.
Lack of success makes us reconsider our plans, concentrate our energies and improve our methods.

Most discoveries are the result of repeated efforts in the face of opposition, of tenacious will power restartng hundreds of experiments, all ending in failure except the last.
We will not be judged by our successes but according to our endeavours.


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