New lines at every age

So am just back from a dream holiday and into those soul searching moods trying to understand life, ok guys attempting to understand life and I stumble upon the latest bazaar magazine. Must confess its one of my favourites. There is a lot of stuff that’s inaccessible and makes me just flip through the pages without a second glance. When I say inaccessible I mean its not even aspirational.

Anyways so coming back to the woman who made me get back to writing is none other than Sushmita Sen. Yes I think she is intelligent, gracious, gorgeous and conducts & carries herself with utmost dignity. So while the journo asks her all about her style and she talks about how she her sense has evolved from being a regular teenager in Delhi to her style after she won the pageant and how style evolves with age. So true. Cant even think actually I can but maybe I don’t want to share how I was way back then.

So while she talks us through her favourite designers they ask her about looking fab at every age and she says, “ It’s very important to like yourself. ‘At every age there are NEW LINES, new structural changes in your body, on your skin. When you start accepting and liking your flaws, they go away. Learn to like that extra line which comes when you think; it wasn’t there before – you’ve earned it.”

Here are her pics when she was 19 and now when she is 35.

I loved her thoughts on this. It makes me go back in time though not long ago when I turned 30 and everybody around told me dam, you’re getting old, you will grey and need to start worrying about anti – ageing, hair colour and middle age crisis and all that crap. But now when I think about my self I feel wow I’ve never felt better about myself. I’ve evolved in every sense and I’m so comfortable in the space I belong today.

So all those women don’t let those lines, the colour, sagging skin, etc take you over. Its important to address it but not get bogged down by it. You are just as appealing to all the people who matter to you as you were earlier or may be even more. They appreciate you now more than ever before.
P.S. For all those who’ve skipped watching Turning 30 starring Gul Panag, please watch it.

Bouncing Board:

Was just reading Shahrukhs interview in the BT this morning and I found it so genuine and sweet that for his latest film his bouncing board is none other than his son Aryaan. Its quite strange how are bouncing boards keep changing through the different stages in our lives. So we start with mom when we are young, then with friends or siblings as teenagers & early twenties, then moves to boyfriend through mid twenties and husband/fiancé by late twenties, early thirties. As we grow through the years are bouncing boards keep adding and changing and we realize how some people just stay with us always.

As we grow older or should I say our kids grow older they will become an altar to share most things as we feel they are more cued on to life than us. They will add the new age perspective and are more today and Gen next than us.

You will also realize how some relationships wont make it through or maybe some people were left behind and sometimes even the person you are closest to cannot be your bouncing board and the older ones just continue. I have been one of the lucky ones to have more than one bouncing boards in my mom, sisters, my husband, my mother in law and now my daughter. And something inside me tells me that all of these will stay.

When I think of my relationship with them I just realize that I am so blessed to have these people around me and they love me for the all the madness I bring to their lives, all the problems, confusions, fun, and all my flaws. It makes me feel special that they love me and have stood by me inspite of all my imperfections. Yes I don’t have any qualms about admitting that I’m not perfect and feel no one is, its just that we never want to accept it. Anyways that aside just realize that how all these people in my life are so encouraging and have different perspective to the same situation. E.g. Your mom will find everything you do flawless and feels like “ wow my daughter did this”, can so empathize with this after being a mom, at the same time your sibling will be ruthlessly straight forward as they are use to the fights and patch ups through the years. They are never scared to tell you anything. Husbands/boyfriends know the truth but have to do it tactfully without hurting you. Actually it depends on how many number of years you have been together and what stage is your relationship. But more often than not its one of your strongest ones, in my case it is. Mother in laws, this one I don’t know how many women in India will agree as she is the most hated creature for most of them but I love mine and she has really been an anchor in my life with all my relationships and been a guide to me as a person. My daughter is my bouncing board already at 2. Whenever my husband is traveling and I tell her aanya I am missing papa she will pacify me and tell me mom, its ok be strong I am there with you na, its ok don’t be upset. Then she gives me a power that is infused with unconditional love and warmth. Love you aanya.

I feel blessed to be here and know that I am not alone in this life and I have so many people who love and listen to me

Its special but I dont want it!

I don’t know if you read the Mumbai mirror and read the horrifying stories about mentally & physically challenged kids in the government run shelters. Its quite shocking and actually you begin wondering that there people who are abusing kids who don’t even know what’s wrong with them.

The first story was about the kids at Kavdas orphanage where kids were malnourished, with no proper sanitation facilities and death after death with inadequate funds to support or give these children the bare necessities. Only because the story was reported some action was taken and these kids were moved from there. After that we have stories every alternate day reporting that are similar. One at the panvel childrens home where there were deaf & dumb children being raped by the care takers & other random men in the vicinity until some one figured out the scandal. Then we had the two pedophiles who ran orphanages under the garb of charity to fulfill their sexual desires. And now we have the same situation reported across all orphanages in Maharashtra. Lack of sanitation conditions, mentally & physically challenged children being kept in the same room. The children are not toilet trained, girls & boys who are 14 – 15 are left in the same room with only their undergarments on, kids from 14 – 70 years are all in the same shelter. Water tanks kept open and there is no adequate medical help and children who suffer from TB, pneumonia and other respiratory diseases are not given any special medical attention. Click here and here to read the article

This actually reminds me on how I am so careful that my daughter has boiled water, she wears proper clothes, how I spend sleepless nights when she has a minor cough & cold, her fine motor skills are gross motor skills are being developed well.
These stories actually bring so many questions in my mind. Why does god make special children? Why cant god just make everybody the same? Its somebody’s right to be normal and please they are innocent children. How can he be so cruel? Even though I don’t agree that children should be deprived of anything even if he did, he should give them birth in families who are financially, emotionally & physically capable of raising them and not in homes where parents who think of these children as a burden and leave them in these shelter homes to face whatever life has in store for them. As a mother I cannot believe how can any mother have the courage to leave their own child good, bad, ugly to fend life for themselves and especially if he is not capable of doing so. Again god I want to ask you why do you do this?

Why are people so selfish that they want to make money out of these children by taking away the funds that are granted for these kids. I want to ask to the government that the allowance per child hasn’t been raised since the 1960’s. How are these shelter homes even suppose to make do with the funds allocated with the rise in inflation? How much does the Child & Welfare Committee head spend on his own son/daughter? How can he therefore think that these kids don’t even deserve enough to have basic necessities?

How I wish there were corporates who would come forward and address these issues and take them up. Why wouldn’t a Dettol, J&J, Parle, Nestle, etc come forward and support these organizations in kind. Trust me all the mothers who are your target audience would have new found respect for you. You would have already won them over.

Its sad that we usually like special things and usually wait for them. Our hands shrivel up only when the special is not beautiful. It’s only then that we feel even if it is special I don't want it!

Big Shout out to Mad Momma

This is one blog I absolutely love reading. Simple yet so cool. I love all her posts there are funny, serious, thoughtful but they all have a very deep human thought to it.

Do drop in and read Mad Momma One post that I think will get you thinking and make you smile if you were born in late seventies, early 80's 90's songs I am embarrassed to admit I like

Un - Clan!

Don’t think the show KWK would have got great TRP’s last night but honestly I thought it was a fab show. One for Karan to call people he doesn’t hang out with all the time so it gets interesting and they have a different perspective vs. the same stuff and aura that he brings to the show. Secondly to call a guy who is just so honest & has such a brilliant attitude to life.

Honestly until yesterday I didn’t care much about John Abraham and thought he was a guy with a fab body and the only movies I loved him in were Jism, New York, Dhoom & Dostana. Yesterday after the show which they promoted as a really sex – y show with John being this ultimate sex baba or something was just so much more than that.

When he was asked questions on Bipasha he refused to comment saying its personal and he doesn’t care of what the speculation is. Then he had no qualms about admitting that he is often not the first choice for a lot of movies and he is ok with it. Wow he is really a solid guy, I mean literally. One is to know it and be comfortable with it and the other is to publicly acknowledge it. Cant seem to understand how people do that, na!

As the show moved on to the rapid fire round I was quite amazed at his response to a lot of the answers. Sonam Kapoor great pretty looking girl, very honest, etc. But the answers I absolutely loved were:
Q: Imran, Ranbir or shahid the star you would bet your money on
A: why would I bet my money on

Q: Shahrukh, Salman or Aamir the Khan of all seasons
A: Karan why are you clannish? Why cant we have Devgans or Kapoors or Singhs. Ajay Devgan has delivered the biggest hits last year

With this answer Karan Johar was actually stumped and I think even he realized that he was clannish.

We all have our comfort zones and just want to move about in the same zone. It takes so much more of us to break away from the good old stuff and say or do something different. All the guests on the show made choices with whatever question they got vs. just thinking it could be a different response.

Big bow to John for doing just that and being so brutally honest. Lesson well taught! Karan are you listening?

Money Cant buy!!!

As always its children who teach me the small joys of life and make me realize that life is beautiful no matter where you are. Its just the people you are with who matter the most.

A few days ago I was waiting at the Babulnath temple waiting for some one and while I waited inside patiently I saw these small young street kids playing with literally anything that came their way. There were these jungle gym kind of construction climbers that they played. How I wish I had my camera to capture the moment. A thought that passed my mind instantly was and yeah it just came rushing through was how I taught my daughter to use the jungle gym at the garden everyday asking her to be careful as she took each step and here these kids just learn the ropes of life without any support or guidance. They loved their time on the bamboos and I , loved watching them.

Your kids don't know the price of the toy you give them they know the time you spend with them. To them its not a Barbie doll its a doll. You taught them or society taught them its a Barbie and shes pretty and good. They don't know expensive, cheap, costly. These words are not part of their dictionary yet.

Just today I thought I will take her to a friends building where there was music, food & rain dance but something within me told me that she would rather enjoy where her friends are and all the other frills will not make her as happy as playing with her own friends. I am glad I did what my daughter liked and not what suited me

Just yesterday when I was at a book store with my daughter and another mom was teaching her daughter modes of transport, bus, car, truck etc. The baby asked her mom why don't we travel by bus it must be fun. The mom said its dirty and only people who don't have cars travel by bus. My point is not that you let them do whatever they want to but don't influence their decisions. Let them experience it. They are in their formative years and must know and experience everything.

For all those moms who think bus rides are dirty try it. sit atop a double decker bus in the front seat and feel the breeze through your hair and see the smiles on your child's face. These are experiences money can't buy!

Sunscreen

Sunscreen!

Don’t know why I am reminded of the song sunscreen that makes me feel less guilty of all the not so approved choices I would like to make in life.

It makes me feel a little less miserable about wanting the sun, moon and the stars without having to work for it, or feel normal if I don’t know what my calling is. Making me believe that life isn’t perfect and actually love and accept my imperfections.
It gives me the confidence to make choices which need a lot of courage otherwise, being sensitive to life and other humans who god has not been so kind to.

It gives me the happiness to spend time with my daughter all of 18 months versus being in a work place that’s otherwise aspirational. Making me understand that this time is never going to come back and I need to make the most of it to have no regrets later. I know her little hands want me now to guide them and instill right values today, to play the stupidest games, get dirty in the garden, spill food all over, sneak and eat chocolates but I still want to do it. I want to spend hours reading to her and cuddling her in bed which for most of us is a luxury.

I want to spend time with my parents today knowing that everyday is a day less with them. It makes me want to love them and be loved as it’s a day less of their love, care and shelter.

Love life to the fullest without having to regret any day of my life. Allowing me to fall and taste the flavour of success and failure both.

It makes me cherish, love and relive every moment of my youth. It makes me feel beautiful even if I am fat and not be glued on to beauty magazines cause they promote low self esteem.

It makes me want to invest in me and all those relationships I left behind when I thought I didn’t have time. I want to invest in them now. I want to learn pottery even if I may never mould a beautiful one.

It makes me want to learn a language even if I may never speak one. It makes me want to sing or play along even if it may not sound right. It makes me want to dance even if it’s only my mom who appreciates it.

It makes me want to see all those beautiful places in the world which are less traveled and where people don’t judge me by my name or status.

It makes me think and ponder within, have a conversation with myself which I otherwise choose to ignore everyday.

It makes me…..

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Exposure

So am at the parlour getting my hair done and see this mom here with her two teenage daughters. While the mom is a simple and elegant lady the daughters gorgeous and full of themselves.

Ok so she is all of 15 and gets her hair washed, cut and dried. Her nails perfect and while her mom gets her hair cut she can't stop admiring herself in the mirror flipping her hair from one side to the other, playing with the bands and ofcourse clicking her own photos. She stands in front of the mirror and poses with a profile and a pout... So perfect that I have already drifted 10 years away when my daughter will do the same thing and how will I react.

Anyways can't blame these kids for what they are going through cause as parents somewhere we are the ones who have exposed them to all that they know. While all these thoughts are going through my head the other daughter whose all of 10 asks the hair stylist for some hair serum to settle the frizz. I wonder when I was 10 did I even know or care whether my hair was frizzy or what serum is?

Coming back to exposure its such a thin line where you don't know if its the right or not. Gadgets, gizmos, movies, parties, clubs, make up. Every bit of it the kids are exposed to so much and they are learning it all from us.

While the girl is taking her own pics she is tucking her stomach in to ensure whatever little flesh that she has is also not seen. Obviously fitness is among the top 10 on their priority list.

So before they leave they do their eyes, dab some lip gloss all ofcourse of their mom, coz its all expensive. They rather use their money on stuff their mom doesn't buy.

In all of this forgot that I'd actually come for relaxing hair spa... Which is over... Damn

Indian Emotional Attyachaar

This one is clean, simple easy. We as Indians love the rona, dhona, sacrifice and playing sad songs at every occasion. While I was at moms the other day and she watched some crappy soap on TV where the women were all piling on to another woman and she cried and howled but in vain. Switch to another soap where the daughter is getting married and inspite of the fact that we cry on certain songs like “ye galiyan, ye chobara, yahaan aana na dobara….from Prem Rog, the girl was insistent on danciong to that song. Now don’t we all know that yes leaving moms is a really big toughie but got to do it and then to instigate those tears we play these emotional songs that make us cry? While I went back to my wedding days thinking of my sangeet(song & dance evening) my mom was already crying thinking of her daughters abroad and how they have been married for so long, and work so hard and they haven’t come home for so long….phew…mom, mom, mom I said, please relax….but the ganga jamuna saraswati had to flow.

We as Indians just love all this emotional drama, that’s why our movies which are actually a reflection of our society exhibit this so well. Think of all those movies for a while that made you cry…Masoom, Hum aapke hain kaun, actually all the Karan Johar & sooraj Barjatiya types. We love the pain & pathos. Think of all those times when you listened to songs continuously that made you cry….Whenever we see something sad, we want to believe that it’s happening to us or could happen to us and we get so involved in the whole process that it makes us weak. When we see someone sick or unhappy we immediately empathize thinking god please this should never happen to me.

Our reason to connect and belong is what gets us caught into this emotional drama all the time. We are so into each others lives and space that everything affects us all the time. And women especially believe that all the bad and good of fiction will definitely happen to them so they always want to be ready all the time. Sounds familiar huh! Think of all those times when you asked (if you are a girl)/ you were asked by your girlfriend after a watching a movie about infidelity, “will you ever be disloyal to me?”, or “will you ever cheat on me for any other woman?” Or after a great show on travel & living or a bolly flick shot in some well shot international locale, “Baby when will we go to such beautiful places”. You never take me anywhere…no you don’t love me…when was the last time you gave me a gift.” For women materialistic gifts have a longer memory, only because we can flaunt it. So men by default are always wrong.

So coming back to moms while I was there for my brief stay with her we watched all the sangeet DVD’s of all my sisters and my wedding… my mom cried and blushed as she saw her daughters perform and thought nobody can dance better than her daughters. I spent the rest of the two days with lots of fun and followed the soaps that they watched religiously on TV that persuaded me to write about Emotional Attyachaar

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I want my private life back!

In a general discussion over lunch the other day we stumbled on the topic, blurring lines between work & private time. As the conversation progressed my friend told me that how her ex colleagues have now become really good friends and they practically hang together all weekends. I went back in time to think of all those Friday evenings before my daughter was born, where we all went for a Friday evening drink and relaxed and shed our inhibitions and egos to become a great team and above all great friends. Alcohol sure helps bonding, I completely endorse it!

Obviously people who were compromised in the bargain were friends “friends” and my dear husband.

Going out is no longer restricted to friends alone, you will always have someone from work to entertain all the time, after all its always important to network right? Says who!!!

Do we actually want to stay connected with work all the time or is it the lack of inclination to explore other interests that keeps us addicted to work all the time. Or is it our insecurities of being dispensable that makes us respond to all communication even if it isn’t earth shattering and could wait until Monday.

It is I who has made the choice to compromise that weekend, nobody has asked me to. I don’t want to compartmentalize my life but integrate it to ensure I straddle all relationships all the time. Remember we all believe that we have to keep everybody happy.

No time for myself or lets put it this way struggle to prioritize time for myself over the week to pursue anything but work. Even if I do that place/hobby needs to help me network. E.g. more and more people wanting to join clubs, gyms, classes, games that actually helps them initiate a conversation. It reminds me of a conversation with a friend where she became a member of a really nice new club but she was upset as she did not get membership to the ‘IT’ club where the crowd would have been better and she could network well to climb the ladder up faster.

This is also a quality that we are subconsciously passing onto our children. No activity for ourselves or bad time management is what they will pick up from us. We will push them to academics by default and compromise on their hobby or passion which could be their careers tomorrow.

Is this the reason why a lot of us get burnt out earlier than we could work and we want to take that time off even if it’s the peak of our career?

So what am I going to do about it? I no longer know how to silo myself from work.

So, gang, has anyone cracked this nut? How do you draw firm lines to give yourself true time off when, no matter what you do, the world keeps spinning, the conversation keeps going, and the work keeps piling up?

Needless to say, I'll be checking this discussion 24/7.

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By My Side

It’s a bright sunny day at work and as I enter office with no one in at 9 a.m. I feel all charged up to start my work without any interruptions.

As I start my day with a cup of some lemon tea and my notepad striking of the done and adding things to do in my job-list I realize that there is so much to accomplish in such little time. I need to finish all this within the time I have set for myself and then rush back home to my baby. She has been waiting for me all day and now I need to make it up to her for staying away all day long.

I send some emails, finish a few calls, sit through a few meetings and close some pending tasks and finally check the watch for lunch. Rush through lunch, actually no maybe I look forward to it because it comes from my mom. And we all know what “maa ke haath ka khana” means….

Soon after lunch back to the grind again after a quick phone call home to check if my little angel has eaten today or not.

At four quickly grab a cup of tea again and have a few team discussions and at 5 back to some last minute stuff as I pack my bags and am ready to leave at 5.30. – 6.00 to avoid the traffic and reach home early. Yes I’m in an envious position as leaving office at this time is unheard of. Even people at work do! I’m use to the glares that I get when I’m at the door which say… how do you manage to leave on time everyday, don’t you have enough work? Not a single one says wow shes got to be good, she is so disciplined to leave office everyday on time. Or ya she can leave as she comes in early as well! But no we ought to be negative!

But I’ve reached a point where it doesn’t affect me, actually nothing affects me but my work and my family. I have managed to prioritize between the two and say there is only so much of me that I can give to each one of them.

As I hail a cab and continue finishing a few work calls and the most important call to my mom, who somehow never runs out of conversation with her daughters.

Excited to go back to my daughter and hug her tight is what I’m looking forward to. As I climb the stairs to the door of my house, I wait to see her face light up as she sees my face. I feel a gush of love and happiness to see, what I mean to her. The world becomes the most beautiful place on earth and life is beautiful suddenly. I dress my little princess in pink and put pretty clips in her hair. While I run in the park, slide with her or swing with her, or fall down while I play ringa ringa roses I am oblivion to everything else.

The evening continues with dinner and her bath time and some more play. As the day ends and she falls asleep I lay down on my bed finally thinking of the day gone by and how I have accomplished something at work, as a mother, as a wife, but the me was missing… while the head was filled with all these thoughts the body had no energy and my eyes closed and the thoughts drifted away to recoup lots of energy for the new day.

As the alarm rings and I open my eyes I see my daughter on one side and my husband on the other, a sense of completeness fills me. I feel content and happy. Yes I am now full of energy and enthusiasm to start a new day that will be brighter than yesterday. The pace of life can never slow me down, words of envious people can never hurt, work will never seem impossible or difficult if I have the people I love by my side.

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My first IPL LIVE!

Over a random fight with my husband over how Bombay is so boring and there are few options to actually do something every weekend, we stumbled upon the idea of going for the IPL matches.

The tickets were booked; the coordination with friends was done; FB status was updated, Tweets sent out. Sunday was literally spent in publicizing my visit to watch the match at the CCI.

When I went to collect my tickets at the counter I was actually impressed with the ease with which things were managed. We grabbed some food before getting in as we were sure that the food wouldn’t be great even if we had the best seats.

The pheriwallas(street vendors) added drama & excitement with team flags, t-shirts, whistles, caps, bands, the works. I too gave in the temptation and bought a whistle.

As I entered I was overwhelmed by the crowd, the music, the commentators, arrangement. Whew! Everything.

As I cheered for Sharukh's knight riders I knew that in Mumbai there is only one god and that is Sachin Tendulkar! The crowd went hysterical with every move of the master blaster.

The cheer leaders entertained, were up and dancing with every hit or wicket. The DJ cheered the crowd and ensured the players were well supported all through the match. I was amused and entertained with the desi music that entertained everybody including the phirangi cheerleaders who didn’t understand any of it.

When the little master came out to bat, there were people dancing, jumping waving their flags, whistling, screaming his name & runs. For a a moment it just seemed like cricket was a religion in India and Sachin was the only god we worshiped.

I just wondered how Lalit Modi has just made Cricket into a full blown masala movie. There is action, glamour, drama, you just cant get enough of!

As Sachin batted the last ball for a four and the crowd cheered for their favourite team I was trying to capture all these moments in my mind to never let this memory ever fade off...


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The Art of Management!

I am a post graduate in Management and I must say I have literally mastered it. We all master the art of managing pretty early in life. In fact that’s what we are taught right? We teach our kids how to juggle between studies & play. As they grow up how to manage relationships, then work, then family and it just goes on.

It just seems like a never ending journey of juggling priorities and obviously leaving some stuff undone. You are bound to ruffle a few feathers but we are actually as people so scared to say NO, atleast I am that on the contrary if I need to stretch myself at work or home I will do it. Especially the Indian woman, the giving goddess will go all out for it. Ok come back from the memories of all the times when you wanted to but couldn’t say NO. Remember all those times when you wanted to take off and your boss said NO. You gave in or ‘Managed’ it by saying I will take my leave but complete the work. And then while you attend those maddening calls on your holiday you’ve upset your family and yourself.

In this process of stretching to deliver the elasticity is lost and there will be a point in time when there will be so much tension on the band that it will break. It’s probably delivering under its actual capacity because it’s just about managing.

We manage everything from money, to multiple roles, work, relationships, everything. At every bend of life there is a moment where your mind takes over and prioritizes decisions for you and then you manage between the two decisions.

Think about all those times you got selfish and actually said a NO, I’m sure you remember the consequences they weren’t very pleasant. You were punished for being selfish. It’s Ok to be selfish sometimes and say NO, all we seek is an assurance from someone.

We also often fear being bitched about/or spoken ill about when we would say no, to ensure we maintain that imagery/perception we give into managing

Don’t give in and be a great manager, learn to address things beyond managing. It’s Ok as it does pay off in the long term.

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Confessions of a Blackberry addict

I have a confession: I love my BlackBerry.

It’s my window to the world at any point in time. It entertains me when no one familiar is around. It’s the answer to all the queries I can think of. It’s the best communication channel among my friends.

I like checking my work email at home at all hours. Cant think of a day when I didn’t check all the emails on my phone, important or not.
I like reading about what's happening at work when I'm supposed to be decompressing on vacation. It’s important to be part of the communication group even if it is not addressed to me; it makes me feel remembered and important.
It comforts me somehow. I know what's happening. I'm not missing something important, delaying my response to something crucial, or walking back into the office unaware of a brewing crisis.

Now if I'm being honest, almost never IS there a brewing crisis — certainly not one that I can't deal with swiftly when I sit down at my desk first thing in the morning. But somehow it doesn't matter, I like intrusion of privacy and then complaining about never being off work or being a workaholic.
I've woven my personal and professional lives together in my patterns and habits, and I'm OK with that.

OK, more than OK with it. It partly defines how I think about my life. When I was on maternity leave, colleagues would chastise me for constantly being on email — as if I was so stressed by work that I couldn't stop checking in. What they didn't realize was that checking in to work during that time was essential for my mental well being! Work is stimulating.

Even now, sometimes when I can't sleep, I get up and check email at odd hours of the night. It's not because of stress, it's because it helps my mind focus on something other than what woke me up. Now I'm not sure I should admit any of this to my husband cause I accuse him of being an addict. And I don't relish being in touch when technology limitations make it difficult to do so. Or when I am truly, deeply in a family moment and I don't want to think about work. But in reality, most of the time, I want to stay in touch — it's interesting.

So I confess, I have blurred the lines between work and home and I've done it on purpose. One feeds and stimulates the other. How about you? Are those lines sacred or do you, like me, secretly like being at home and at work at the same time?

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The Winning Horse!

This is an experience that I’m sure all of us have been through at some point in our lives. Be it at work, home or in any relationship. The love, attention, affection is always on the one who brings the trophy home. While you are good you bask in the glory of success and when you can’t win no more you stand in the last row to be pictured.
Here’s what I mean. Look at actors, while they are young and have lots of hits and scandals, they are oh so hot, when they prioritize family over career they often need to make a strong comeback to make their presence felt.

Parents who have 2 children will always be more bent towards the child who draws attention either for his mischief, his looks, studies, sports, all in all fame.
Think of the preferred daughter in law at home… the preferred one always calls the shots.

At work, this is a classic… you know there is someone who gets his way through anything that he says, gets less work more money, is always the one in the consideration set all the time. Relax its life it happens. It’s the rule of life. Envy will not get you results. I know its easier said than done but try just let go the minute the thought even occurs especially all you girls just think of something else immediately and divert your attention.

The rule is more risk more money, whoever gets the moolah in hogs the limelight and all rules are amended for him. When things go wrong as they sometimes will the winning horse may get pardoned a couple of times but after that he will be the first one to face the axe as well

So all you winning horses don’t let the fame get to your head, love the good times and always be prepared for the bad. Like Krishna said work hard unconditionally and results will follow. Trust me you will be a winning horse one day and enjoy all the glitterati of the winning horse.


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Building the nest!

It was a regular Wednesday morning while I was feeding my baby her breakfast by the window sill showing her trees, flowers, cycles, dogs and birds. The birds were fluttering enjoying the weather and loved the winter sun. A constant chirp caught my ears and as I tried tracing that sound I saw a little sparrow build her nest on a tree near my house. I observed her intently and saw how she found fine pieces of straw, grass, wires and build a warm cozy nest for her little babies to arrive. She didn’t know if it was the best nest, how long will it take, is it better than the others, she just kept building to ensure it is safe for her babies.

I looked at my little baby and kissed her as I saw how life is a journey and you keep accumulating so many things on the way. You start with probably nothing and gradually en route you pick up values, culture, friends, siblings, education, knowledge, lovers, soul mates, life partners, enemies, cars, house, gadgets, experiences…

There are times when all that you’ve collected on your way is all lost and you need to start all over again and you’ve lost all energy and enthusiasm, all things material but you still have the education, knowledge, friends, parents, siblings, love and experience. Nobody can ever take that away from you and that’s all that you need to get all that you’ve lost back. So bounce back and you will see that slowly and gradually the hard work and patience will pay off and all that you wanted will be yours of course the struggle is also yours.

Also the person who has lost it all and starts again is fearless and is never scared of trying or innovating as he has now fear to lose or fall. He will succeed a lot more that he was earlier as he now does what he always wanted to do and his way. He also values things a lot more and will therefore always think more rationally and sensibly than earlier.
So build your nest today with all things necessary and don’t lose patience in your journey to get those little pieces together. It’s only a matter of time.

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3 Idiots unearthed

On a lazy Xmas afternoon there couldn't have been a more sensible decision than watching the most awaited bolly flick of the year with 4 stars. Though not an Aamir fan I know that his movies make sense, they have a soul and understated style and screenplay that instantly strikes a chord and makes you love the movie.
As we rushed to the theatre and settled with a tub of popcorn and chai ready to watch a movie in the theatres after ages, have to admit I loved it, 3 hours of exclusive me time... Woo hoo!

Ok getting back, so the movie started and the audience in the theatre getting into giggles already and those faint giggles grew to loud continuous laughter. The humour was excellent with great timing and the message so simple but strong. As the movie progressed it took me through various roles of my lives as a child, teenager in college, as a girlfriend, as a friend as a wife and finally a mother. It was like a deja vous to see each role so beautifully essayed just flash in front of my eyes and making me relive those moments and help me grow in those roles.

I wouldn’t share the movie details with you as you definitely have to watch it, but will definitely say don’t leave behind the learning’s that you get from it. That simple message of application & practical education is what we need to implement and not be a victim of peer pressure. For all those parents & teachers let our kids be they will learn at their own pace and follow their heart. Push them to achieve what they want to and not what you want to. Its ok, to fall learn, and change the path you set out on. Parents, be the guiding light in your child’s life. Let them explore and learn and don’t teach them everything. The experience when they learn on their own is far more enriching and will prepare them for all the times when you will not be around.
And nothing can be more convincing than 3 idiots giving you such an important and simple message that its ok to be happy than successful and do what you always want to and not what others want you to be. Stop pushing your children to be what you always wanted to be.


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The NEW of the OLD

As I was changing radio stations on my new ipod player on my way to work, I stumbled on a station that was luckily playing a few old songs and I was happy and elated to finally hear those favorites all over again. I saw myself humming along those songs in no time and going to work on a Monday morning didn’t seem so boring after all. While I enjoyed those songs everything seem to suddenly look so beautiful, the Bombay weather seemed a little chilly finally, people around look happier, I felt happier and therefore more confident. Like a few good old memories had just changed my complete perspective. It suddenly dawned on me that this always happens to me when ever I stumble upon things I leave behind. Lets start from those old clothes that were your favourite and always made you look good, when you clean your cupboard they always bring a smile on your face cause they make you feel good, ah! I was so thin once upon a time. Those school pictures, the ones where the class was suppose to take pictures together standing in height order and people would fight who would sit next to the class teacher. That old car which was really so embarrassing but so much of sentimental value for your dad, you just couldn’t understand why he couldn’t part with it and get you a new one!

Those old saris which your mom wore for her wedding and our all coming back into fashion, you gleam with happiness and your mom is so happy thinking you like her choice and she was fashionable when she was young. The old jewelry which your mom leaves behind trust me don’t think you will find those antique pieces ever. Those old friends whom you bump into at the school reunion or on facebook, that expression of seeing those school mates as wives, mothers and mother in laws is priceless! Those old days which you spent in the school canteen, those days when you were punished outside the class, the madness of staying awake and studying, or the photocopying of notes just before the exam, fighting for the bathroom in the hostel, stealing ‘ghar ka khana’ from some hostel mate, having no pocket money by the 15th of the month and taking ‘udhar’(loan) all seem to go by bringing a smile on your face. Those moments never come back but they are saved in the best moments of your life in the archives of your memory.
We get so engrossed with all that is present and new that we forget all that was important back then and what we are actually made of. New relationships, new friends, new house, new work place that the old seems to suddenly catch dust and the new shines brighter than before just like mastercard reunion ad, one of my favourites along with the famous song "purani jeans aur gitar....'
Clean the dust and visit those old letters, those dried flowers which you saved between your old books, those jeans which you once fitted into, those friends who were the foundation of your growing up years. Don’t lose touch with who you were and trust me you will find the ‘New in the OLD’ and will be happier than ever before.

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It’s blue all the way

As an expectant mother I was enjoying every moment of my pregnancy waiting for an angel to brighten my beautiful life further. My husband and I prayed for a little princess to come into our lives and fill our lives with colour, fun and happiness.

But in this beautiful journey of parenthood we soon realized that even in this current age, a lot of people, be it the villages, cities or the western world still wish for a boy.

I remember my Godh bharai ceremony (baby shower) when all my relatives and friends came over to wish me and the baby lots of health & happiness. They all secretly told me “I wish you a boy” and I wondered why? Just wish me a healthy baby that’s all I ask of you.

Through all my sonograms my husband and I were inquisitive for sure to know whether it is a boy or a girl but always scared to ask the doctor. Actually it wasn’t so much of being scared but actually killing the suspense at the time of delivery.

The speculation while you are pregnant, the baby shower games, the Chinese calendar its all fun and let it be that way. The suspense will actually keep you going till the last month. It’s fun to know what everybody is betting on!

To be honest until the 32nd week I really was biased and wanted a girl but after that week I just wanted a normal healthy baby! The sex just didn’t make any difference to me any more. I was nervous…

I still remember the delivery table and the final push when I was exhausted and with a shaking voice I asked my doctor is it a girl? And he said yes and I screamed with joy! And couldn’t stop telling myself WOW! it’s a girl, it’s a girl as I held my nervous first time father, husbands hand.
I truly thought at that moment that ya, maybe god does give you what you ask for!

Soon after I delivered a lot many people came by and consoled me don’t worry you can try again and it may be the next time around it would be a boy or would subtly put it good now with a boy the next time it will be a complete family.

As days went by and I strolled in the garden with my daughter in the pram, a neighbour came by and told me to try having my next baby after prescribed medication from a gynaec who can guarantee a son. Didn’t know you have guarantees for this as well! I just fail to understand if natures chosen something for you let it give you that don’t go against it.

I just heard all of it and wondered wow, we may want to believe that the world has changed but its not! And trust me it’s not an India phenomenon only. The western world also is partial to blue and the East, cannot comment on it at all cause the lives that the women are made to lead there, even I would wish anybody a boy. Cannot have any more women subjected to slavery any more.
So the world over, It’s blue all the way…

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My Best Friend

While the evenings get darker early in the so called winter(Bombay only gets fewer hours of light but where's the winter:() and as I sit back in the cab to get home unable to read, I realized how important is the 'phone' in our lives.

While I was busy catching with friends, work, parents, emails and obviously face book, all the moments that my phone had rescued me and given me company just quickly flew by my eyes. Either a boring party that I was attending alone where I finished meeting most people or was in between meeting 2 people or when you are early for a meeting.
At the parlour its the best time actually, or while traveling. The phone seems to come handy all the time. Its become less of a tool of communication and more of a companion. Its something that most people can't leave their homes without. You know all those celeb columns of what's in your bag or cant leave home without, the phone always makes it there!

Your best friend knows your calendar your notes your most intimate conversations. Almost a confidant. You also kind of love her and her appearance is of utmost importance to you. That's why you get the most fancy and expensive one then dress her up with a case or a few tassels.

It's also a cause for fights between a lot of couples today as the girl chats away and the guy possibly cant stop messing with it. Or those late nights when you suddenly wake up and cant put yourself back to sleep and unconsciously start checking your emails or start playing brick breaker or tetris.

Think about it when you forget something at home your lunch, a book, a file or your phone you get most restless when...




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