As an expectant mother I was enjoying every moment of my pregnancy waiting for an angel to brighten my beautiful life further. My husband and I prayed for a little princess to come into our lives and fill our lives with colour, fun and happiness.
But in this beautiful journey of parenthood we soon realized that even in this current age, a lot of people, be it the villages, cities or the western world still wish for a boy.
I remember my Godh bharai ceremony (baby shower) when all my relatives and friends came over to wish me and the baby lots of health & happiness. They all secretly told me “I wish you a boy” and I wondered why? Just wish me a healthy baby that’s all I ask of you.
Through all my sonograms my husband and I were inquisitive for sure to know whether it is a boy or a girl but always scared to ask the doctor. Actually it wasn’t so much of being scared but actually killing the suspense at the time of delivery.
The speculation while you are pregnant, the baby shower games, the Chinese calendar its all fun and let it be that way. The suspense will actually keep you going till the last month. It’s fun to know what everybody is betting on!
To be honest until the 32nd week I really was biased and wanted a girl but after that week I just wanted a normal healthy baby! The sex just didn’t make any difference to me any more. I was nervous…
I still remember the delivery table and the final push when I was exhausted and with a shaking voice I asked my doctor is it a girl? And he said yes and I screamed with joy! And couldn’t stop telling myself WOW! it’s a girl, it’s a girl as I held my nervous first time father, husbands hand.
I truly thought at that moment that ya, maybe god does give you what you ask for!
Soon after I delivered a lot many people came by and consoled me don’t worry you can try again and it may be the next time around it would be a boy or would subtly put it good now with a boy the next time it will be a complete family.
As days went by and I strolled in the garden with my daughter in the pram, a neighbour came by and told me to try having my next baby after prescribed medication from a gynaec who can guarantee a son. Didn’t know you have guarantees for this as well! I just fail to understand if natures chosen something for you let it give you that don’t go against it.
I just heard all of it and wondered wow, we may want to believe that the world has changed but its not! And trust me it’s not an India phenomenon only. The western world also is partial to blue and the East, cannot comment on it at all cause the lives that the women are made to lead there, even I would wish anybody a boy. Cannot have any more women subjected to slavery any more.
So the world over, It’s blue all the way…
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Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Friday, December 11, 2009
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Never say Never
I always thought I was organized, set and controlled in life. I had complete control of life and I wouldn’t digress from all that was planned.
To be organized, to plan, to make pert charts was probably my biggest obsession. The smallest of task and my network sheets would crop up. I could never wait for life to happen to me. I knew I had to make life happen.
Confident, aggressive, ambitious, little proud & pompous, life couldn't be wrong with me…that was my belief, or probably most of us believe in that. Until the heights collapse, the walls narrow in, hopes sink, waves calm down and people seem scarce. the phrase.
“It can never happen to me” ceases to exist.
That’s the time god makes you believe in his existence and crushes that pride that made you into a ‘not so good’ human being. He will make you realize of his superiority, his powers and the castle of cards you thought was a steady shelter in your life.
When one stands atop the highest peak, things seem small and tiny, probably unimportant. The words in your conscience are “I will ‘never’ ever be down there.”
The road ahead seems dearer than the journey you left behind. We forget the golden rule in life;
“Rise and fall is a rule in life with no exceptions.”
Not everybody needs to walk downhill or tread the path he left behind but it’s just that, “NEVER” forget the lessons you absorbed on the way and be unaccepting to life. At any point in time remember you will need to embrace life with whatever it holds for you then
Sometimes you wish you had more control over situations that can just sweep you off your feet. When you feel that once I achieve this I progress a step further and will do this and once I achieve that I will work towards the other. That achievement that stability you wish to achieve and use as a base for next steps is a myth, a mirage that is never realized. As you move closer to what you call achievement sucks you in further more and you lose yourself to situations and circumstances.
Today you believe that I don’t want this or I can make this happen at my time, my pace or when I am ready for it. But my friend we don’t live in isolation. Our lives are so entwined with so many other people and forces that it takes, people, energy and forces to all unite at one time and make things happen. There is no either or!
It’s not procrastination but the belief or rather overconfidence that I and ‘me’ solely can make anything happen when I want it. I know a lot of people who spend years chasing bachelor hood and when the y seek companionship finally they fail to see anybody around. That carnival of people around suddenly seemed to elope. Then either it’s no companion or not a perfect companion.
I know friends of mine who tell me I will ‘never’ want to have babies, I don’t want babies yet, or its too early, or cant compromise ‘us’ for ‘it’ yet. They thought they could plan ‘life’. They craved, pleaded and begged to god to make it happen but it didn’t…
They believe that it will happen but, just the journey now seems so long.
I know some friends who believed that they were the best, life would walk to them, they looked down on people, laughed at their miseries, wondered how it would be to have a tough life. They were so happy reveling in the good life that it blinded them until god opened the blindfold and showed them life. Now those eyes are sensitive and can see through problems of all. Now those are eyes are happy to help and not judgmental
We all live in this eternal faith that “it will ‘never’ happen to me”. I will ‘never’ do this, I ‘never’ want this, I ‘never’ will have to put my hands forward. I ‘never’ will have to see downhill, life can ‘never’ be bad with me.
The battle is not with the time you need to get there, or the pace you want to progress at. Just be open and accepting of the fact that today you don’t want it, tomorrow you can’t or may not have it.
Life will happen at the pace you want it at, just delete the ‘never’ in your life coz life keeps changing and situations and circumstances make us do things we thought we’d thought we will ‘NEVER’ do.
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To be organized, to plan, to make pert charts was probably my biggest obsession. The smallest of task and my network sheets would crop up. I could never wait for life to happen to me. I knew I had to make life happen.
Confident, aggressive, ambitious, little proud & pompous, life couldn't be wrong with me…that was my belief, or probably most of us believe in that. Until the heights collapse, the walls narrow in, hopes sink, waves calm down and people seem scarce. the phrase.
“It can never happen to me” ceases to exist.
That’s the time god makes you believe in his existence and crushes that pride that made you into a ‘not so good’ human being. He will make you realize of his superiority, his powers and the castle of cards you thought was a steady shelter in your life.
When one stands atop the highest peak, things seem small and tiny, probably unimportant. The words in your conscience are “I will ‘never’ ever be down there.”
The road ahead seems dearer than the journey you left behind. We forget the golden rule in life;
“Rise and fall is a rule in life with no exceptions.”
Not everybody needs to walk downhill or tread the path he left behind but it’s just that, “NEVER” forget the lessons you absorbed on the way and be unaccepting to life. At any point in time remember you will need to embrace life with whatever it holds for you then
Sometimes you wish you had more control over situations that can just sweep you off your feet. When you feel that once I achieve this I progress a step further and will do this and once I achieve that I will work towards the other. That achievement that stability you wish to achieve and use as a base for next steps is a myth, a mirage that is never realized. As you move closer to what you call achievement sucks you in further more and you lose yourself to situations and circumstances.
Today you believe that I don’t want this or I can make this happen at my time, my pace or when I am ready for it. But my friend we don’t live in isolation. Our lives are so entwined with so many other people and forces that it takes, people, energy and forces to all unite at one time and make things happen. There is no either or!
It’s not procrastination but the belief or rather overconfidence that I and ‘me’ solely can make anything happen when I want it. I know a lot of people who spend years chasing bachelor hood and when the y seek companionship finally they fail to see anybody around. That carnival of people around suddenly seemed to elope. Then either it’s no companion or not a perfect companion.
I know friends of mine who tell me I will ‘never’ want to have babies, I don’t want babies yet, or its too early, or cant compromise ‘us’ for ‘it’ yet. They thought they could plan ‘life’. They craved, pleaded and begged to god to make it happen but it didn’t…
They believe that it will happen but, just the journey now seems so long.
I know some friends who believed that they were the best, life would walk to them, they looked down on people, laughed at their miseries, wondered how it would be to have a tough life. They were so happy reveling in the good life that it blinded them until god opened the blindfold and showed them life. Now those eyes are sensitive and can see through problems of all. Now those are eyes are happy to help and not judgmental
We all live in this eternal faith that “it will ‘never’ happen to me”. I will ‘never’ do this, I ‘never’ want this, I ‘never’ will have to put my hands forward. I ‘never’ will have to see downhill, life can ‘never’ be bad with me.
The battle is not with the time you need to get there, or the pace you want to progress at. Just be open and accepting of the fact that today you don’t want it, tomorrow you can’t or may not have it.
Life will happen at the pace you want it at, just delete the ‘never’ in your life coz life keeps changing and situations and circumstances make us do things we thought we’d thought we will ‘NEVER’ do.
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Sunday, October 19, 2008
Sea of Change
What a wonderful thing change can be and how much we resist it. Last week I met an old friend who had a few months ago given up his cushy job as an investment banker only to pursue his first love, teaching. He had to give up his well appointed Malabar Hill apartment, his club memberships, even his holidays abroad, but the peace and contentment on his face was worth seeing. He walked, lived likely finally he found his ground, his calling, his life. Of course there had been trepidation, would his daughter adjust to the change in lifestyle, school, miss the luxuries of life.
Did he deprive her of it, was he being selfish. Is giving up luxury for love foolish? Once the moment passes by those luxuries seem petty, those friends who didn’t hold on with your status change seem worthless.
If they didn’t support your calling they weren’t your friends. If you cease to be reason enough to your friends, you were definitely treading the wrong path. Change. How much we fear it. And how important it is for us to experience it. And any change, not only when good things happen to us, but also when the bad things occur.
Life is, as any enlightened sage will tell you, is a constant interplay of interconnected opposites, good and bad, happy and sad, kind and cruel. In what doses no one can say, but what s absolutely certain is that nothing lasts forever, and change is inevitable. We are all so adaptable that we will survive and learn the tricks of the new trade. After a while we will also enjoy the new trade. You will survive and then live. Its only a matter of time.
My friend who chucked his job as a banker now has time to read to his daughter, accompany his wife to the plays she longed to see hand in hand and read the book he always wanted. Its not all hunky dory, there are the inevitable lows as well. But he says for 24 years I hung on to my job as a banker and worked myself to sickness and death so frightened of losing it; or not reaching the top, or not performing to my bosses expectations. And then finally when I let go, the relief was so much. I confronted my worst fear and insecurity and found that I had still survived.
Change. See what you hold dear in your life, what you cling to, and hanker for. And be courageous and let go. Go with the flow, don’t surrender to life, be that unpredictable crazy river that decided her own course and is never scared to chase her dreams, her heart. Jump with out looking. And you will see that the safety net will always be there. It might not be the net you wanted. But something for someone will be there to break your fall, and hold you.
Change something. Anything. Remove just one thing, from your life, and see what life puts back in as a surprise.
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Did he deprive her of it, was he being selfish. Is giving up luxury for love foolish? Once the moment passes by those luxuries seem petty, those friends who didn’t hold on with your status change seem worthless.
If they didn’t support your calling they weren’t your friends. If you cease to be reason enough to your friends, you were definitely treading the wrong path. Change. How much we fear it. And how important it is for us to experience it. And any change, not only when good things happen to us, but also when the bad things occur.
Life is, as any enlightened sage will tell you, is a constant interplay of interconnected opposites, good and bad, happy and sad, kind and cruel. In what doses no one can say, but what s absolutely certain is that nothing lasts forever, and change is inevitable. We are all so adaptable that we will survive and learn the tricks of the new trade. After a while we will also enjoy the new trade. You will survive and then live. Its only a matter of time.
My friend who chucked his job as a banker now has time to read to his daughter, accompany his wife to the plays she longed to see hand in hand and read the book he always wanted. Its not all hunky dory, there are the inevitable lows as well. But he says for 24 years I hung on to my job as a banker and worked myself to sickness and death so frightened of losing it; or not reaching the top, or not performing to my bosses expectations. And then finally when I let go, the relief was so much. I confronted my worst fear and insecurity and found that I had still survived.
Change. See what you hold dear in your life, what you cling to, and hanker for. And be courageous and let go. Go with the flow, don’t surrender to life, be that unpredictable crazy river that decided her own course and is never scared to chase her dreams, her heart. Jump with out looking. And you will see that the safety net will always be there. It might not be the net you wanted. But something for someone will be there to break your fall, and hold you.
Change something. Anything. Remove just one thing, from your life, and see what life puts back in as a surprise.
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Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The road less traveled
A lot of changes in the last couple of months made me realize that all that it seems is not what it is.
I'm not stating the unobvious but its just that its a realization thats now confirmed. The way up the corporate ladder is quite dirty. Step up is always up and down in values. Someone once told me which I strongly now believe in, there will always be time when you will need to decide whether you want it or not? And at what price? The price is what you pay for your thoughts turn into values. The values that you set for yourself and never ever compromise on those.
I thought the change would be tough to let go and start again but to my surprise I held on to the roots for a long time moving along with the change. I didn't adjust to the mediocrity but infact only emerged stronger in valuing what I had and now confident of what i will not want from my future.
On my journey i realized how shallow people were. I could see through them to see that they pretended to be who they were not... how others sucked up to these people and thought they were only securing their future. People who had such low security levels and obviously hollow confidence levels. But I sailed through all this, I stood with my values didn't give into what I didn't believe was right and what i thought was against my integrity.
I realized how people would pay any price to ensure they secure their position and at any cost.
For me it was a path i decided not to tread and I know I will pay a price for it. I remember this poem by Robert Frost which has been with me forever, The Road not taken, and the excerpts read...
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I'm not stating the unobvious but its just that its a realization thats now confirmed. The way up the corporate ladder is quite dirty. Step up is always up and down in values. Someone once told me which I strongly now believe in, there will always be time when you will need to decide whether you want it or not? And at what price? The price is what you pay for your thoughts turn into values. The values that you set for yourself and never ever compromise on those.
I thought the change would be tough to let go and start again but to my surprise I held on to the roots for a long time moving along with the change. I didn't adjust to the mediocrity but infact only emerged stronger in valuing what I had and now confident of what i will not want from my future.
On my journey i realized how shallow people were. I could see through them to see that they pretended to be who they were not... how others sucked up to these people and thought they were only securing their future. People who had such low security levels and obviously hollow confidence levels. But I sailed through all this, I stood with my values didn't give into what I didn't believe was right and what i thought was against my integrity.
I realized how people would pay any price to ensure they secure their position and at any cost.
For me it was a path i decided not to tread and I know I will pay a price for it. I remember this poem by Robert Frost which has been with me forever, The Road not taken, and the excerpts read...
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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