Never say Never

I always thought I was organized, set and controlled in life. I had complete control of life and I wouldn’t digress from all that was planned.

To be organized, to plan, to make pert charts was probably my biggest obsession. The smallest of task and my network sheets would crop up. I could never wait for life to happen to me. I knew I had to make life happen.

Confident, aggressive, ambitious, little proud & pompous, life couldn't be wrong with me…that was my belief, or probably most of us believe in that. Until the heights collapse, the walls narrow in, hopes sink, waves calm down and people seem scarce. the phrase.
“It can never happen to me” ceases to exist.

That’s the time god makes you believe in his existence and crushes that pride that made you into a ‘not so good’ human being. He will make you realize of his superiority, his powers and the castle of cards you thought was a steady shelter in your life.

When one stands atop the highest peak, things seem small and tiny, probably unimportant. The words in your conscience are “I will ‘never’ ever be down there.”
The road ahead seems dearer than the journey you left behind. We forget the golden rule in life;
“Rise and fall is a rule in life with no exceptions.”
Not everybody needs to walk downhill or tread the path he left behind but it’s just that, “NEVER” forget the lessons you absorbed on the way and be unaccepting to life. At any point in time remember you will need to embrace life with whatever it holds for you then

Sometimes you wish you had more control over situations that can just sweep you off your feet. When you feel that once I achieve this I progress a step further and will do this and once I achieve that I will work towards the other. That achievement that stability you wish to achieve and use as a base for next steps is a myth, a mirage that is never realized. As you move closer to what you call achievement sucks you in further more and you lose yourself to situations and circumstances.

Today you believe that I don’t want this or I can make this happen at my time, my pace or when I am ready for it. But my friend we don’t live in isolation. Our lives are so entwined with so many other people and forces that it takes, people, energy and forces to all unite at one time and make things happen. There is no either or!

It’s not procrastination but the belief or rather overconfidence that I and ‘me’ solely can make anything happen when I want it. I know a lot of people who spend years chasing bachelor hood and when the y seek companionship finally they fail to see anybody around. That carnival of people around suddenly seemed to elope. Then either it’s no companion or not a perfect companion.

I know friends of mine who tell me I will ‘never’ want to have babies, I don’t want babies yet, or its too early, or cant compromise ‘us’ for ‘it’ yet. They thought they could plan ‘life’. They craved, pleaded and begged to god to make it happen but it didn’t…
They believe that it will happen but, just the journey now seems so long.

I know some friends who believed that they were the best, life would walk to them, they looked down on people, laughed at their miseries, wondered how it would be to have a tough life. They were so happy reveling in the good life that it blinded them until god opened the blindfold and showed them life. Now those eyes are sensitive and can see through problems of all. Now those are eyes are happy to help and not judgmental

We all live in this eternal faith that “it will ‘never’ happen to me”. I will ‘never’ do this, I ‘never’ want this, I ‘never’ will have to put my hands forward. I ‘never’ will have to see downhill, life can ‘never’ be bad with me.
The battle is not with the time you need to get there, or the pace you want to progress at. Just be open and accepting of the fact that today you don’t want it, tomorrow you can’t or may not have it.

Life will happen at the pace you want it at, just delete the ‘never’ in your life coz life keeps changing and situations and circumstances make us do things we thought we’d thought we will ‘NEVER’ do.

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Everything you want, you will have

This one is from the man who inspired me to write. whose columns made me religiously read the Bombay Times every tuesday. Cyrus Merchant, he made me believe in life.

There is a place and a time where everything will be well. and you will be present there. Am I merely some merchant of hope, selling you soap for the soul each time I write, will what I tell you ever bear fruit, your fruit? That you will know and until you do, believe. Believe that this whole thing we are all a part of was not designed to end in despair.

Besides that this whole thing which we so little understand, has at the helm, someone who does understand. god is too good too let it be bad for you, for long. Heaven won’t keep you hungry, it will serve you a banquet. But here’s the difficult part: you may not get your deepest hunger for whatever it is you are hungry, fulfilled here and now, accept certain inalienable truths. accept them as god’s will. A will you don’t want, hate can’t understand. One that makes you ask aloud "why is god doing this?" Yes, in the pressure cooker of your prayers, burning on the slow flame of faith, for years you asked and it is still being denied.

Don’t curse and turn your flame off, your faith may not have won for you, but it will warm you. The serenity prayer which every living adult is familiar with is more profound than we know... ‘god help me to accept that which I cannot change.’

Millions before you have resigned at the altar of his wish.... and found happiness. The house of the lord has many rooms, some will welcome us. The wisdom lies in not banging on the door that can never be opened.
At a breath-takingly beautiful lunch at six pm with a lake down below, an old friend awash with wine and some of life’s most mature living, concluded that no matter what we do and what we try, god’s way is final. Only humans rush where even angels fear to tread and then we live lifetimes paying the price.

God always gives us what we want; when will we give god what he wants? having said the difficult part for you and having said so after having seen many lose their dream, their loved one, sickness battles lost even after persistent prayers, I know that in some enchanted place where there is a perfect music, everything will be alright again. you will have what you want. and you will have who you want but not now. Perhaps even when your eyes are closed and you are a part of a world that is not this one, you will have your heart opened with joy.

God’s delays aren’t god’s denials. Sometimes he says "yes," sometimes he says "no." and sometimes he says "wait." Pray with the intellect of your soul and find out which of these three is his answer to you and then have the grace to accept, and have the sense to know that god knows what we think we know and have once and for all, the supreme liberating knowledge of that if you can be with god through life, no matter what, then life is with you, no matter what.

You only need obedience, you only need to be exceptionally good, you only need to be eternally religious or spiritual through life, on his side. Just never give up and fight the fight with a smiling soul the play is infinitely more significant than the problem.

Your life is not your problem. your problem is a part of your life, it is not your life. Cross the river if it’s stormy on this side, but don’t keep cursing, crying, the river will flow anyway.

Life will go on and you will be left behind. what kills homes, families and individuals and may be you is not your problem, but in the way you perceive it. There is more good to your life than bad. and the bad will go, it all always ends in good. that’s why they’re all working there - for us.

There are only happy endings; it’s the interruptions that are sad. I know you will be very happy because that is the eternal promise made to us.
og mandino said it beautifully: just before you were born, just before you were coming out of your mother’s womb and into this world, god whispered to you - "you are my greatest miracle" and you will be loved by me through life." then we were delivered and we forget his last words to us. Remember god’s promise to you. Remember that when you go back to him, you will find everything repaired again. Nobody is unhappy, nobody is dead, nothing is wrong in an increasingly materialistic world, I have nothing to offer you, but this - in some enchanted place, when god is happy with you, you will find your loved one, your miracle, your greatest joy... and you will remember what you read today.

Believe in your faith, it will come true. Don't lose the belief incase of delays...

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Small joys of life!

As I walk hand in hand with my husband learning to slow down in my last few days of pregnancy at the place that belongs to the common man... Worli sea face.

I am amazed to see or rather it brings a sweet smile on my face of how life gives happiness to everybody.
Sitting on the parapet that's just being renovated most couples sit oblivious to the world spending their best times together.

They sit all evening till finally the security guy whistles and gets them out through the rocks... Those times together always seemed to pass so fast. Some people look at the sea, soul searching waiting for it to reply to the questions in their life. Some others look up at the stars and wish life was beautiful and they achieve all they wish. Some stroll up and down having the conversation of their lifetime.

Some fitness freaks walk the talk and enjoy the freedom that the road offers unlike a gym, with no restrictions. Remember the road comes free and available 24/7.

Animal lovers love the no timings rule where they can spend quality time with their pets at any hour they desire.
Some people exercise in weird poses stretching their arms and legs not bothered wether people laugh at them or not

little children hugged and kissed the statue of the common man by R.K. Laxman not knowing who he was but sure someone important as he posed there. Tourists took pictures with him as memoirs of their visit to one of the tourists spots in Mumbai.

The ice cream vendor on the cycle ringing the bell with kids following him with the hope that their parents would buy them a small candy. A newly married couple sharing a candy that was melting in the Bombay heat but seemed like the best joy toy for them. They looked into each others eyes and shared the candy and laughed on their coloured lips.

An old couple maybe in their 80's where both of them supported and watched the path of the other as they walked along to ensure the other never falls.

A father running after his growing son as he learned to cycle along in life. He may hav ebeen a high profiled banker, a ceo, an ace surgeon but then he was a father.

Shedding all inhibitions people came to this space just to be... Who they were, which role they played nothing mattered. It was their time and they lived it.
Everything wasn't perfect but everybody was happy. Actually after a really longtime I saw that childlike happiness on so many faces at a go.
The simplicity of life is what touched that cord in my heart and made me appreciate small joys of life!!!

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Globality replacing Globalization

A recent podcast got me to think of various boundaries that are fast diminishing between developing & developed economies. We all thought after Thomas Friedmans', “The world is flat” that the world is flat but if it was, then their would not be any competitive advantage. If all wage rates were common across the globe then globalization would not exist. But the reality is that the world is very spiky and that's precisely why this is happening. If the world had the same wage rates everywhere, we wouldn't be seeing the rise of ‘GLOBALITY’.

Globalization is actually over, a one-way street. It was about the companies from the U.S. and Europe, and then later on Japan, going to the rapidly developing economies with large populations and very low wage rates and either producing product or buying product, shipping it back to the developed markets, and then shipping over some very high-end and often luxury goods to those markets. So, it was fundamentally a one-way street.

What has changed over the last few years with the rise of the BRIC nations is the emergence of a two-way street. What we have seen over the last five years is not just companies from the West coming to India and China, etc., but companies from India, China, Russia and Brazil becoming real companies that are not just operating in their local markets, but are actually taking their rightful place on the global stage. And, in doing so, they are starting to challenge the traditional multinational companies. Now, it's a two-way street and a competition.

Companies that operate in environments with different spikes, such as low-cost labor, are beginning to use those spikes to their advantage. Then they can build on that advantage by investing in research and development, new product development and distribution.

The opportunities and threats are similar in both developed & developing economies Differential wage rates offer a tremendous advantage relative to companies in the developed economies where wages are expensive.
But if they sit back and just stay local, they'll end up losing the advantage over time, because companies compete on more than just wages. If you want to produce a low-end product, you can do it that way. But you'll need to step out into other markets to learn about how to bring the best of the rest of the world to bear on your own business and if you're not taking a global perspective, your competitors in India or China may come into your market and take your position. The balancing act will be critical and low cost alone won't be enough to win, because at this point in time all the BRIC nations are competing only on that front and there will eventually be a level playing field.

The developed economies or the mature markets must never ignore the potential of consumption of the developing economies. Today with China & India together offering 2.3 bn people of whom at least a billion would be consumers would only grow to add a billion people to your portfolio in the years to come. One of the best examples of this is Nokia and its head on strategy in China & India. They built a position in China in the early days, by selling the traditional way -- by offering a higher-cost Western product. No CUSTOMIZATION.

With the influx of low cost local manufacturers the demand increased from the rich to the masses and Nokia started to lose market share and Nokia was under attack.. Nokia defied the conventional response of retreating and instead moved its product development centre to China and customized for the Chinese consumers. Learning each country is different and nobody understands the consumer there better than their own people. You have to be there, you have to learn, and retreat is not an option.
Nokia regained its 30% market share in China. It then applied the same learning’s in the growing Indian market.

Also it’s only a local member who can bring in the dynamism & creativity that is brought in. e.g. would the developed economies have thought of introducing a car like the Nano. They would have never understood the need for a Nano to produce one. Localization does bring in the flavour.

With the economic downturn there will be more pressure to lower costs, which of course is one of the advantages of operating in developing economies. That may encourage even more Western companies to go beyond their own borders to lower costs, and may also create more opportunities for companies from the BRIC nations. It also may mean more outbound M&A from the developing world, which will give the emerging companies access to brands and technology, possibly at lower prices.

We definitely are heading to a two way street aren’t we?


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5 ways to drive traffic to your blog

This is a subject that I guess is most googled by bloggers. How important is it for people to come to your blog?

The 5 key things that a bllogger must focus on are:
1. Write on relevant and current topics
2. Write on topics that would interest people
3. Ping it
4. Subscribe to a whole lot of other blogs that will help you promote it
5. Comment on other blogs frequently

Where is the content my friend I ask as I read these popular blogs?
Blogs are more often written as extensions and expressions of peoples personalities. They are views you would like to share with people. How can you customize content to what others would like to read and not what you believe in.

But the other side of the coin also says that if you want more and more poeple to know or believe in your thoughts you will have to get it across to more people. And for that if you have to do the above 5 with content as priority. I suggesst you do it but without compromising on content.

All good things in life also need a push...

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Indian Mujahideen or Simi

With Terrorism spreading its reach across borders and especially in India and all the media trying to uncover who these so called extremists or jihadis are? After each terror strike he media does not fail to come out with a special on either the outfit responsible for the attack, or how it was performed, its impact,the strategy future repercursions.

How does it matter which outfit it is? Whether its the Al - Quaida, Indian Mujahideen, the Simi, LET, or any new outfit that's just mushroomed. The point is the belief and the extremism that these people believe in that needs to be attacked vs. the outfit.

The police will never be able to kill terrorism or erode it by chasing these outfits . Change the name and it anyways loses its identity, it's the thought, the belief, the fundamentalism, the hatred which is ingrained in these people that needs to be addressed. Unless that is done this battle is a lost one. it is foolish to fight this battle with mere names.

These fundamentalist don't belong to Islam, Christianity, Hinduim. They are people who want to create their own releigion and believe in what they want to believe in irrespective of what the religion teaches. They are criminals performing under the garb of religion.

My only plea would be don't run after the names, it's the cause that needs to be addressed.

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Sea of Change

What a wonderful thing change can be and how much we resist it. Last week I met an old friend who had a few months ago given up his cushy job as an investment banker only to pursue his first love, teaching. He had to give up his well appointed Malabar Hill apartment, his club memberships, even his holidays abroad, but the peace and contentment on his face was worth seeing. He walked, lived likely finally he found his ground, his calling, his life. Of course there had been trepidation, would his daughter adjust to the change in lifestyle, school, miss the luxuries of life.

Did he deprive her of it, was he being selfish. Is giving up luxury for love foolish? Once the moment passes by those luxuries seem petty, those friends who didn’t hold on with your status change seem worthless.

If they didn’t support your calling they weren’t your friends. If you cease to be reason enough to your friends, you were definitely treading the wrong path. Change. How much we fear it. And how important it is for us to experience it. And any change, not only when good things happen to us, but also when the bad things occur.

Life is, as any enlightened sage will tell you, is a constant interplay of interconnected opposites, good and bad, happy and sad, kind and cruel. In what doses no one can say, but what s absolutely certain is that nothing lasts forever, and change is inevitable. We are all so adaptable that we will survive and learn the tricks of the new trade. After a while we will also enjoy the new trade. You will survive and then live. Its only a matter of time.

My friend who chucked his job as a banker now has time to read to his daughter, accompany his wife to the plays she longed to see hand in hand and read the book he always wanted. Its not all hunky dory, there are the inevitable lows as well. But he says for 24 years I hung on to my job as a banker and worked myself to sickness and death so frightened of losing it; or not reaching the top, or not performing to my bosses expectations. And then finally when I let go, the relief was so much. I confronted my worst fear and insecurity and found that I had still survived.

Change. See what you hold dear in your life, what you cling to, and hanker for. And be courageous and let go. Go with the flow, don’t surrender to life, be that unpredictable crazy river that decided her own course and is never scared to chase her dreams, her heart. Jump with out looking. And you will see that the safety net will always be there. It might not be the net you wanted. But something for someone will be there to break your fall, and hold you.

Change something. Anything. Remove just one thing, from your life, and see what life puts back in as a surprise.

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Cardiac Confusion

Half of life's misery comes because of others in your life. Usually (and this is the supreme contradiction) it comes from those you love most. Your own nest becomes a noose; cactus grows in the mulberry bush. And you go blaming yourself. The others who hurt, trouble, torment ought to be the ones going through cause it's because of them that you are going through it, but what do you know – heart hammerer is out on a lucky limb and you are paying with the price of uncried tears.
Not just tears but restless days, sleepless nights and a carnival of cardiac confusion.
Get this straight: you will always be unhappy if you allow your happiness to be determined by other people. You will do your best, you will spray rose petals before they walk, but they won’t think a minute before walking over you or out on you. You give someone the key tp to your piece of mind and they will take your mind. Always the others. Nothing personal. It’s never personal. People hurt you because they are deficient in some way. People don’t respect you because they don’t know what respect means or is. People treat you badly because they don’t know otherwise. People cheat on you and get into adulterous affairs or cheap one night stands because they don’t know your worth – and in all probability their own.

The bad choices people make in their life, reflect on yours, in some divine way those who are out of your life are meant to be out. Don’t march to their doomed drums. It’s their upbringing. Their breeding. Their lifescape. You’re good you’re better than good, why are you raking their sanity? The problem is out there , not in you. If people don’t know who you are, then never mind how much they mean to you, ask them to go walk. Nobody, and I repeat nobody is worth the price of your self respect. In my life, self respect ranks higher than even love. You are a child of god. If god doesn’t treat you this way, who is anybody else to?
People see the world not as is, but as they are. People have their own luggage, their own scars, their own weaknesses, their own misery. Behind their own bravado their own life is falling apart so they try to make yours too. Don’t be fooled or awed by people who have power over you. They only have it because you have given it to them. Usually the biggest bullies are the biggest cowards. The ones who make the most noise are silenced souls. All the banter, swagger, tough-talk chaos a remarkably low opinion of self and life bereft of any joy.

Only unhappy people make others unhappy. Wife-beaters, cheating siblings, ungrateful lovers, rude bosses, callous youngsters, indifferent friends are all a reflection of their own inadequacies. A happy, balanced person will treat you well because that’s how a happy, balanced person is treated.
Today know most of your problems are not your problems but others people’s problems. You’re fine, you’re better than fine and you’ll get along fine. The best part of your life is you, the best friend is god and you’ve been burying yourself and god. God will never hurt you, it’s the wrong people you choose who do.

Life is beautiful, you are beautiful, it’s the outside world that is ugly. Just allow god in, then close the door, change the locks and bring the champagne out. I never feel sorry for who or what I’ve lost, I just feel sorry for the things and people who’ve lost me. Because I know the circle of life completes itself for the faithful. You’ll win in the end, but to win in the end, play your life with some more dignity, play it with grace, play it with gratitude and play it with the awesome love of god that is just waiting to be part of your life.

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Destiny

It makes me laugh sometimes... Is ' Destiny' for real... is Life ruled by RULES ???

I love to discuss about the inevitable! love to think about it, love to debate about it. I sometimes wonder if everything is 'meant to be'.

There are more questions than answers here ... Just pondering... thinking again... wondering... if someone somewhere knows whats going to happen next! Next is a big word, Next is also a mystery for most of us!

On one side, there are all these rules that exist, systems of nature ... there are days and nights, there is logic to existence - we need food to survive, we need to love and be loved, we need to take a dump (well its a reality), Things that are a part of these set of rules that are a necessity to our existence...

On the other side... well there is this Chaos... organised chaos where in Destiny is just a way of blaming our wrongs and hoping for rights to come soon.

But again... we never know ... Life is amazing, it leaves me in sheer appreciation of the Force... Some call it 'God'!

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India on Sale!!!

There is just such an influx of fashion in our country. And do not misunderstand fashion as only fashion in its true sense but instead lifestyle, as everything that you do wear, eat, dress, sleep, feel has to be coated with fashion or rather has to have fashion connotations. Tell me if it doesn’t?
India seats itself on the hot seat for everything now. The country that’s basks in the sunlight of brand attention be it in fashion, technology, service. India is the place to be. Everybody seems to find their niche among the 1.2 bn population that this country has to offer.

We see the latest auto cars which may be affordable by a handful of Indians make its presence felt in the country. Last 2 years we’ve seen the Rolls Royce, Porsche all pumping enough money to ensure they capitalize on the Indian boom.

We have magazines from the Condenast group trying to offer luxury reading to a select few who probably can read it but can’t understand it. I mean I read these magazines but in the most complicated formats and with pages galore that there is an information overdose.
The information is irrelevant and indigestible. First it was the great Vogue… synonymous with the bible of fashion and now it’s the GQ which is the ultimate luxury lifestyle magazine for men. It’s great but complicated. It can take you days to read through it. A great title to have either on your desk or your coffee table.

I understand the context of it being niche and luxury but the relevance to the Indian consumer is my question. There is just so much of it for the consumer to even fathom. Where are we even concerned of customizing anything for him? Be it in any genre of lifestyle.
The information that he receives is not customized, the product he receives does not appeal to him in totality either. The brands just believe that the consumer is a genius and will understand and comprehend all the information that brands have to offer. Do you think any human can sieve through 200 pages of fashion. Not me for sure. It’s impossible for any magazine to hold on a consumers attention for more than an hour and even more difficult for you to expect him to pick it up again after he’s gone through it once. I mean try and think hard when was the last time you went through a magazine for more than an hour and any content that induced you to pick it up again, please exclude the business & current affairs magazine. There is information loss due to lack of simplicity.

In the attempt to maintain the international appeal do not forget that the offering is irrelevant to him. Cool summer cardigans do not work in tropical Indian weathers, wearing dull pastel shades in the festive season never does work in this country where bright colours form a backdrop to everything in life. Black will never attain status of being an auspicious colour or Indian women will not suddenly grow tall to wear long flowy Gucci gowns.

Unlike in most countries where one city maybe a representative of the entire country, India is different & diverse and one needs to respect it. Bombay & Delhi are not representative of India.

I think what most brands forget to offer is simplicity. If they really understood India and its potential everything that the brands did would not be so superfluous.
There is such a small population that the brands believe that they need to address that they often leave out a huge potential. Actually the potential that you came chasing. The potential that you showcased in your presentations that helped your management decide that India is now ready as a market for my brand.

Simplify everything for your consumer, its not like he doesn’t understand it but he is so worn off time that he needs you to do it for him. Never under estimate the potential or over estimate your consumer.

India does have tremendous consumption capacity only if you have the right offering.

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The transcending lord

Someone once told me that in India there are 5 things that can never fail to connect with Indians, religion, bollywood, cricket, politics & humour. But one of these is something that transcends itself even beyond India and that is Ganesha. I have never ever seen any god have so much pull.

He finds his abode not only at the biggest and richest of pandals but also in little huts, to palatial homes of celebrities & industrialists. It doesn’t matter if you are a gujarati, maharashtrian, Punjabi or Sindhi. Then the communalism between Hindus and Muslims appears to cease.

I think its a great idol that has been converted into a great product by people which is marketed in whatever form to generate a lot of revenue.

He hasn’t restricted his presence only to the temples but also to cute idols which one wants to keep with him all the time. In his new car, new home, with a new life partner, while traveling. He is suddenly a mascot of great and cute gifts. He has made his space at all the gift shops from Archies, Satyams, Hallmark or any popular gift store. He transcends across mediums like music,art, television soaps, festivals, occassions.

It’s the faith that he has ignited of being a true vighna harta that we believe in. It’s just his presence alone that will destroy the evil. It’s the faith with which people walk to him after all their problems are accomplished, it’s the faith that makes people of Mumbai walk to Sidhivinayak on every Tuesday no matter where they live.

When is it that this little cute lord made himself so popular.
Is it faith or cult? I wonder!

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Global brands in globalization of emerging economies

India is the hot focus of many brands. Last year we had so many brands come in, in all genres of life like food, lifestyle, services, etc. Each year we keep on adding to the brands and the hungama that happens around it.
All international brands claim that they translate the best consumer experience for you from across the globe. But the truth is that brands still haven't been able to do it.

Do Indian brands service better? I remember when Hyundai first entered India while everybody loved the car, the service and availability of spare parts was still an issue to ponder. Maruti beat all the other players on account of best service and its accessibility & availability in the remotest areas in the country.

I am not here to generalize or make statements but the fact is that most of my experiences with global brands have made me believe and translate my beliefs into words. A recent experience that shook me and only strengthened my belief was Mac. Donald's. Promises smiles, fun a great family experience moving away from the platform of great yummy food as that has become a hygiene factor for them. Everybody probably knows what Mac food tastes like. But my smiles at Mac soon vanished when I found a living worm in my burger. I complained at the outlet, wrote to their customer service email address, but nobody heard me or even bothered to write back.

I was so disappointed that it just completely shook me and I narrated my experience to atleast 10 other friends. What amazed me was obviously the hygiene level that a chain of this magnitude operates at and secondly that they didn't even have the audacity to write back. Do they believe that Indians who want a burger for 20 Rs have no right to demand for quality products?

There are a lot of other brands that haven't particularly impressed me in their customer service one of them is the world's favourite Mac. A Mac customer is so passionate that he anyways knows his product and brand well but the store staff can still be atleast a little bit useful instead of being arrogant and having minimal product knowledge. All the customer expects him to do is share his passion

I’m sure all of us can think of lots of instances when we felt that global brands service standards vary from city to city, country to country and continent to continent. I would like to leave you with a question:

Is it because it's India that it doesn't matter?

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Mirror mirror on the wall

All that is beautiful is white. It’s not an Indian syndrome alone, so don’t view it like that. It’s not the belief of the past, the roots are strongly embedded that it has its relevance even today.

It’s not restricted to women alone it transcends to men as well. The first black president Barack Obama vs. former white first lady Hilary Clinton. Why did Michael Jackson change his colour then? Why from the black to a white.

It’s not restricted to humans alone it extends to animals as well. The white cat is the cute purr pussy while the black is evil & witchy. The white brown dog finds his place in your lap while the dark black dog at the gate. The grey pigeon is a victim of abundance while the white one is a sight to spot.

To think of it as a matter of past would be closing your eyes to it. Fair has its roots in the Hindu mythology with all the goddesses and lead protagonist all fair & lovely. Be it Radha, Sita, Parvati, Durga, Saraswati or the most worshipped Laxmi. Their imagery in our mind and the pictures and idols we grew up worshipping were all fair & pink.
Kali is probably the only goddess that i can think of who is dark but also is someone whom we are scared of. Why are we scared of her is because she is dark & kills the evil.

Simple things like a day & night, why are we always so scared of the dark. Why do the ghosts & evil spirits come out only in the dark?

The formative years of our life, our childhood, we grew up reading fairy tales of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast. Fairy tales children’s best imagination was painted with fair is beautiful, black or dark is evil.
Barbie the biggest filament of male imagination and the first girl friend you want is fair, tall and beautiful.
As we grow up and get to know some more the comics that we read beginning from Archie, Veronica was always fair and sexy. Veronica was always the girlfriend and Betty always the friend. Fair always gets you to be the first fiddle.

Do you remember reading any Mills & Boons without the FPB syndrome? Were any of the men’s fantasies sans this syndrome? For those of you wondering what FPB is, it’s Fair, Petite and Beautiful

Venus Williams may be the better tennis player but Anna kournikova & Maria Sherapaova are still the pin up girls.

Films the biggest and truest reflection of our society is so true to this. Halle Berry is the ‘sexy siren’ while Julia Roberts is a fine beautiful actress. Hema Malini was ‘dream girl’ while Smitha Patil was a talented actress, she was never attributed to being beautiful.
Why is it that the fair girl gets to play the leading lady and the dark one only a supporting actress?

There are so many qualities & feelings associated with being fair:
“Colours come alive on the fair”
“Only if you are fair can you wear red”
“Being fair gives me the unfair advantage”
“Gives me the natural confidence to achieve”
“Beta kaisa bhi ho bahu to gori chitti hi chahiye”
“Fair is always right”
“Fair always attracts male admiration” – My Fair Lady
“Fairness opens a world of possibilities”
“Fairness is an attribute I can pass on to the next generation”
“The colour of your skin decides the colour of your clothes”
“Fairness the magnet of envy”
“If I had a wish I want to be fair”

It’s such a desirable attribute that it runs across strata’s of society “from the maid to the memsaab.”

While fair is still a boon the dark will catch up.

These insights are what beauty companies thrive on; there are activists who blame them for creating this discrimination. I would rather say they have just showcased an existing menace in a positive light; the bigger issue is which the society needs to address.

These are only a few instances, I’m sure when we walk through life everyday there must be so many more instances that reminisce us either of times where we felt good being fair or wish we were fair. It will also remind you that it’s not only the step mother in snow white who asks the mirror on the wall, “Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of us all?”

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Smile

A few lines that I wrote years ago which made sense then now and forever

To smile in victory is easy,
to show a brave face in defeat, difficult

How do I take defeat?
How do I accept a set back to my plans?
Can I control my feelings when i experience disappointment?
Can I start again with courage after a first or second failure?

Do I find excuses, sulk, be bitter, complain to everybody when things go wrong,
when I think I have beensnubbed, when a better man has been given the chance I anticipated?

Adversity and contradictions bring out strong characters and help strengthen them.
Criticism should be an eye opener as regards to shortcomings

Our self relaince and conceit, our vanity and pride collapse under the blows of failure as butter melts in the sun.
Lack of success makes us reconsider our plans, concentrate our energies and improve our methods.

Most discoveries are the result of repeated efforts in the face of opposition, of tenacious will power restartng hundreds of experiments, all ending in failure except the last.
We will not be judged by our successes but according to our endeavours.


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Fool's Paradise

Hmmm! an expression used more often than not by fool's who live in this eternal hope that life will come to them. They wait for things to happen and wait till eternity for things to happen, things to be in equilibrium not knowing that life never reaches an equilibrium!!!
To have a balance in life or to achieve all that you want in life is only wishful thinking. It's a notional phase which is never true. We keep thinking let me achieve this and I will do this let me achieve this and I will start this... let this project get over let me get this promotion... let me enjoy this one last year... Alas! life doesn't stop and problems never cease to exist.

Only if man was such a content animal, there would be no problem. Only if we never stopped wishing would life be much better. Every time we climb a step up in the ladder of life we feel higher than some & lower than some. The lower than some always pinches us more and our lust for more out of life only increases.

A lot of people have this question in their minds at different stages in their life that recurr time & again...when is the right time to fall in love, the right time to start a job, right time to finish my education, right time for me to say yes to my girlfriend, right time for marriage, right time for children, right time to quit smoking, right time to strike a work life balance, right time to focus on health and start hitting the gym from tom, right time to look beyond me, right time to give sometime to your relationships...your priorities... there is this no right time... no right person. I know some people in this quest of the right time & right person have spent so many years alone, in misery waiting for things to happen, cupid to knock on their doors, careers wasted, skills unused... regrets left by... people left behind...stories untold, emotions unexpressed...only becuase it wasn't the right time. There will never be a perfect time a perfect person.

What makes you feel right today who makes you feel perfect today is the right time and right person in your life. Time & people keep changing so its obvious that, that perfect moment will also change. so what seems right now seems like a mistake tom, who seems like your soulmate today may seem your worst enemy tom.
Men fear marriage... committment babies... but its really that moment that you thought would never happen to you and you are not ready for it... my friend you will never be ready for it. It's not only men... we as people are never ready for changes... it's just women have higher anticipation skills and the excitement to do something new makes them accept it & make decisions much faster... Trust me it's a change for them as well.

We plan so much in our lives... dates, marriage, proposals, interviews, schedules, careers, babies, love, old age, death...

Only if life went according to plans there would be no fools in the paradise.


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The road less traveled

A lot of changes in the last couple of months made me realize that all that it seems is not what it is.

I'm not stating the unobvious but its just that its a realization thats now confirmed. The way up the corporate ladder is quite dirty. Step up is always up and down in values. Someone once told me which I strongly now believe in, there will always be time when you will need to decide whether you want it or not? And at what price? The price is what you pay for your thoughts turn into values. The values that you set for yourself and never ever compromise on those.
I thought the change would be tough to let go and start again but to my surprise I held on to the roots for a long time moving along with the change. I didn't adjust to the mediocrity but infact only emerged stronger in valuing what I had and now confident of what i will not want from my future.

On my journey i realized how shallow people were. I could see through them to see that they pretended to be who they were not... how others sucked up to these people and thought they were only securing their future. People who had such low security levels and obviously hollow confidence levels. But I sailed through all this, I stood with my values didn't give into what I didn't believe was right and what i thought was against my integrity.

I realized how people would pay any price to ensure they secure their position and at any cost.

For me it was a path i decided not to tread and I know I will pay a price for it. I remember this poem by Robert Frost which has been with me forever, The Road not taken, and the excerpts read...
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Summer Capital of India

Ya I am talking about Shimla... My trips most of the time are quite random, unplanned, adventurous... unconventional...finding the quaintest spots on my own but this time don’t know why I wanted to be a tourist and be left to everything the place had to offer ... so just set off with my husband... We flew to Delhi like a corporate couple these days and then from Delhi to Kalka by train... it was a n over night journey but was so easy chilled out... I was really excited about the train journey its always made me remember of old days when an outing way snot complete without a train journey... the sound of the train... the swaying of the passengers, those vendors en route it just completes the feeling of a holiday sans the corporatization and service standards... I feel like an Indian chutti... reaching Kalka at 4 in the morning and one cool sardarji cabbie taking us to shimla... we fell asleep on our way up the hilly mountains... and reached shimla at 6 n the morning. We checked into one of the oldest hotels in shimla on mall road the Clarkes... so British...

while I was all set after breakfast to tread the slopes of shimla it reminded of all north Indian hill stations... one mall road with lots of shops and food stalls alongside... then it reaching a town hall where people gather weekend after weekend pretending to enjoy it like it offers something new every weekend??? One little post office... one tourism office which tells you all you can do on your holiday. One rooftop restaurant that serves authentic Indian cuisine and attracts all the newly married couples as a perfect photo spot.

I surrendered myself completely to observe people just while they found their happiness in shimla. Most honeymoon couples clicked their pictures in the local dresses and that was such a big attraction...
we decided to visit kufri as well and it was amazing to see cartels of horse owner with riders who were paid peanuts to trudge horses to lots of kms on a hilly stony path to see snow and come back... the site was quite beautiful but so much torture to humans and animals... but on way to kufri what amazed me was the influence of bollywood there were 6 yaks and they were named after bollywood celebs... like kajol & ajay... sagar & sweety, kareena and shahid... and the owners of these yaks screamed " arre kajol or ajay ke saath photo le lo" dus rupiya only, 10 Rs only sir" I did not wanna stand next to yak and take a picture but was amazed at human intelligence to generate revenue options...wow
We returned back from kufri and on our way back I filled my lungs with fresh mountain air and was happy to just surrender as a tourist and do all the things that are created by man against the backdrop of nature to create a revenue generating opportunity...

Tech Infidelity

Before you get judgemental and think I'm suffereing from it, take a step back and think aren't you? Technology has just made life so easy and everything and everybody so accessible for us. Until yesterday we yearned to be connected today we switch off our cell phones to be disconnected. Ya and these days its not one but 2 cell phones that you are dealing with. I know people who dread that one phone and are already struggling with the second one. Do we want to be connected all the time? Are we insecure if we are not connected? Probably yes, if I am not around someone else will do it... ya proabably someone else will... but thats the choice one makes that how much do you want to let go off? This connectivity syndrome is what is leading to more and more couples stretching themselves over time zones trying to accomodate all that they can, to ensure they are " Connected". Over a cup of chai and the daily tabloid i read these interesting celeb Q&A's where they ask you, things you won't leave your house without and most of them say my cell phone. Some say my Ipod, there has to be technology... Some questions go if you were marooned on an island who would you be with? And the answer goes my Ipod. The role that these techie things play in peoples lives is amazing.
People earlier struggled with people then came work and now its technology. Its amazing how we dont realize how gradually from a balanced life we gradually changed our preferences. Earlier one of the spouse was working and the other created the balance. Gradually our greed and the need ensured that both the partners work. So we sliced those 12 hours of togetherness further to 8 hours of togetherness. Then came technology where those 8 hours of togetherness are also sliced and has come down to probably 6. Earlier we dreaded that if we as a couple do not spend enough time together he/she might look outside the relationship and be involved with someone else, then came the extended working hours where people distinctly spent less time together and hence proximities at work started to rise. But now that's passe, today probably there is no time for the first two but i make time for the third.
Often wonder what is that lends people to tech infidelity, probably the need to be updated, cause today every interaction is an opportunity to cast an impression, the more abreast & updated you are the cooler you are perceived to be... Or is it the need to 'fit in' or technology gives me the space I need... ya the battle for space... or is just so informative & accessible that I want it... Ya may be it is. Today everything is a click away so all my acts are probably governed by what Googles top 10 search results are...Why do we wake up and want to see the news like the world collapsed while we were asleep, or we need our IPODS' on, while we are at our morning walk. Probably Google sends me more sms's than my husband does.
And ofcourse i cant forget the Blackberry...its like the world at your fingertips... a spy gaurd your bosses installed in you in the name of seniority and a must for managers. I check my blackberry when i wake up, while I'm brushing, while I'm in the loo... just when i finished my bath(how some people would wish it was water proof) while i'm driving... over lunch... during meetings... while fetching my children from school... while playing with them in the garden... over a family dinner... in the midlle of a dance... the list doesnt end.
Our lives are governed by ringtones and sms tones... ha ha ha ha... never thoght it would get here... So my friends its not another person who is eating into your spouses time... its that ringtone thats the intruder.
Technology is great... I love it but if you really love it learn from it...
Learn to switch on and off...


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