Sunscreen

Sunscreen!

Don’t know why I am reminded of the song sunscreen that makes me feel less guilty of all the not so approved choices I would like to make in life.

It makes me feel a little less miserable about wanting the sun, moon and the stars without having to work for it, or feel normal if I don’t know what my calling is. Making me believe that life isn’t perfect and actually love and accept my imperfections.
It gives me the confidence to make choices which need a lot of courage otherwise, being sensitive to life and other humans who god has not been so kind to.

It gives me the happiness to spend time with my daughter all of 18 months versus being in a work place that’s otherwise aspirational. Making me understand that this time is never going to come back and I need to make the most of it to have no regrets later. I know her little hands want me now to guide them and instill right values today, to play the stupidest games, get dirty in the garden, spill food all over, sneak and eat chocolates but I still want to do it. I want to spend hours reading to her and cuddling her in bed which for most of us is a luxury.

I want to spend time with my parents today knowing that everyday is a day less with them. It makes me want to love them and be loved as it’s a day less of their love, care and shelter.

Love life to the fullest without having to regret any day of my life. Allowing me to fall and taste the flavour of success and failure both.

It makes me cherish, love and relive every moment of my youth. It makes me feel beautiful even if I am fat and not be glued on to beauty magazines cause they promote low self esteem.

It makes me want to invest in me and all those relationships I left behind when I thought I didn’t have time. I want to invest in them now. I want to learn pottery even if I may never mould a beautiful one.

It makes me want to learn a language even if I may never speak one. It makes me want to sing or play along even if it may not sound right. It makes me want to dance even if it’s only my mom who appreciates it.

It makes me want to see all those beautiful places in the world which are less traveled and where people don’t judge me by my name or status.

It makes me think and ponder within, have a conversation with myself which I otherwise choose to ignore everyday.

It makes me…..

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Exposure

So am at the parlour getting my hair done and see this mom here with her two teenage daughters. While the mom is a simple and elegant lady the daughters gorgeous and full of themselves.

Ok so she is all of 15 and gets her hair washed, cut and dried. Her nails perfect and while her mom gets her hair cut she can't stop admiring herself in the mirror flipping her hair from one side to the other, playing with the bands and ofcourse clicking her own photos. She stands in front of the mirror and poses with a profile and a pout... So perfect that I have already drifted 10 years away when my daughter will do the same thing and how will I react.

Anyways can't blame these kids for what they are going through cause as parents somewhere we are the ones who have exposed them to all that they know. While all these thoughts are going through my head the other daughter whose all of 10 asks the hair stylist for some hair serum to settle the frizz. I wonder when I was 10 did I even know or care whether my hair was frizzy or what serum is?

Coming back to exposure its such a thin line where you don't know if its the right or not. Gadgets, gizmos, movies, parties, clubs, make up. Every bit of it the kids are exposed to so much and they are learning it all from us.

While the girl is taking her own pics she is tucking her stomach in to ensure whatever little flesh that she has is also not seen. Obviously fitness is among the top 10 on their priority list.

So before they leave they do their eyes, dab some lip gloss all ofcourse of their mom, coz its all expensive. They rather use their money on stuff their mom doesn't buy.

In all of this forgot that I'd actually come for relaxing hair spa... Which is over... Damn

Indian Emotional Attyachaar

This one is clean, simple easy. We as Indians love the rona, dhona, sacrifice and playing sad songs at every occasion. While I was at moms the other day and she watched some crappy soap on TV where the women were all piling on to another woman and she cried and howled but in vain. Switch to another soap where the daughter is getting married and inspite of the fact that we cry on certain songs like “ye galiyan, ye chobara, yahaan aana na dobara….from Prem Rog, the girl was insistent on danciong to that song. Now don’t we all know that yes leaving moms is a really big toughie but got to do it and then to instigate those tears we play these emotional songs that make us cry? While I went back to my wedding days thinking of my sangeet(song & dance evening) my mom was already crying thinking of her daughters abroad and how they have been married for so long, and work so hard and they haven’t come home for so long….phew…mom, mom, mom I said, please relax….but the ganga jamuna saraswati had to flow.

We as Indians just love all this emotional drama, that’s why our movies which are actually a reflection of our society exhibit this so well. Think of all those movies for a while that made you cry…Masoom, Hum aapke hain kaun, actually all the Karan Johar & sooraj Barjatiya types. We love the pain & pathos. Think of all those times when you listened to songs continuously that made you cry….Whenever we see something sad, we want to believe that it’s happening to us or could happen to us and we get so involved in the whole process that it makes us weak. When we see someone sick or unhappy we immediately empathize thinking god please this should never happen to me.

Our reason to connect and belong is what gets us caught into this emotional drama all the time. We are so into each others lives and space that everything affects us all the time. And women especially believe that all the bad and good of fiction will definitely happen to them so they always want to be ready all the time. Sounds familiar huh! Think of all those times when you asked (if you are a girl)/ you were asked by your girlfriend after a watching a movie about infidelity, “will you ever be disloyal to me?”, or “will you ever cheat on me for any other woman?” Or after a great show on travel & living or a bolly flick shot in some well shot international locale, “Baby when will we go to such beautiful places”. You never take me anywhere…no you don’t love me…when was the last time you gave me a gift.” For women materialistic gifts have a longer memory, only because we can flaunt it. So men by default are always wrong.

So coming back to moms while I was there for my brief stay with her we watched all the sangeet DVD’s of all my sisters and my wedding… my mom cried and blushed as she saw her daughters perform and thought nobody can dance better than her daughters. I spent the rest of the two days with lots of fun and followed the soaps that they watched religiously on TV that persuaded me to write about Emotional Attyachaar

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I want my private life back!

In a general discussion over lunch the other day we stumbled on the topic, blurring lines between work & private time. As the conversation progressed my friend told me that how her ex colleagues have now become really good friends and they practically hang together all weekends. I went back in time to think of all those Friday evenings before my daughter was born, where we all went for a Friday evening drink and relaxed and shed our inhibitions and egos to become a great team and above all great friends. Alcohol sure helps bonding, I completely endorse it!

Obviously people who were compromised in the bargain were friends “friends” and my dear husband.

Going out is no longer restricted to friends alone, you will always have someone from work to entertain all the time, after all its always important to network right? Says who!!!

Do we actually want to stay connected with work all the time or is it the lack of inclination to explore other interests that keeps us addicted to work all the time. Or is it our insecurities of being dispensable that makes us respond to all communication even if it isn’t earth shattering and could wait until Monday.

It is I who has made the choice to compromise that weekend, nobody has asked me to. I don’t want to compartmentalize my life but integrate it to ensure I straddle all relationships all the time. Remember we all believe that we have to keep everybody happy.

No time for myself or lets put it this way struggle to prioritize time for myself over the week to pursue anything but work. Even if I do that place/hobby needs to help me network. E.g. more and more people wanting to join clubs, gyms, classes, games that actually helps them initiate a conversation. It reminds me of a conversation with a friend where she became a member of a really nice new club but she was upset as she did not get membership to the ‘IT’ club where the crowd would have been better and she could network well to climb the ladder up faster.

This is also a quality that we are subconsciously passing onto our children. No activity for ourselves or bad time management is what they will pick up from us. We will push them to academics by default and compromise on their hobby or passion which could be their careers tomorrow.

Is this the reason why a lot of us get burnt out earlier than we could work and we want to take that time off even if it’s the peak of our career?

So what am I going to do about it? I no longer know how to silo myself from work.

So, gang, has anyone cracked this nut? How do you draw firm lines to give yourself true time off when, no matter what you do, the world keeps spinning, the conversation keeps going, and the work keeps piling up?

Needless to say, I'll be checking this discussion 24/7.

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By My Side

It’s a bright sunny day at work and as I enter office with no one in at 9 a.m. I feel all charged up to start my work without any interruptions.

As I start my day with a cup of some lemon tea and my notepad striking of the done and adding things to do in my job-list I realize that there is so much to accomplish in such little time. I need to finish all this within the time I have set for myself and then rush back home to my baby. She has been waiting for me all day and now I need to make it up to her for staying away all day long.

I send some emails, finish a few calls, sit through a few meetings and close some pending tasks and finally check the watch for lunch. Rush through lunch, actually no maybe I look forward to it because it comes from my mom. And we all know what “maa ke haath ka khana” means….

Soon after lunch back to the grind again after a quick phone call home to check if my little angel has eaten today or not.

At four quickly grab a cup of tea again and have a few team discussions and at 5 back to some last minute stuff as I pack my bags and am ready to leave at 5.30. – 6.00 to avoid the traffic and reach home early. Yes I’m in an envious position as leaving office at this time is unheard of. Even people at work do! I’m use to the glares that I get when I’m at the door which say… how do you manage to leave on time everyday, don’t you have enough work? Not a single one says wow shes got to be good, she is so disciplined to leave office everyday on time. Or ya she can leave as she comes in early as well! But no we ought to be negative!

But I’ve reached a point where it doesn’t affect me, actually nothing affects me but my work and my family. I have managed to prioritize between the two and say there is only so much of me that I can give to each one of them.

As I hail a cab and continue finishing a few work calls and the most important call to my mom, who somehow never runs out of conversation with her daughters.

Excited to go back to my daughter and hug her tight is what I’m looking forward to. As I climb the stairs to the door of my house, I wait to see her face light up as she sees my face. I feel a gush of love and happiness to see, what I mean to her. The world becomes the most beautiful place on earth and life is beautiful suddenly. I dress my little princess in pink and put pretty clips in her hair. While I run in the park, slide with her or swing with her, or fall down while I play ringa ringa roses I am oblivion to everything else.

The evening continues with dinner and her bath time and some more play. As the day ends and she falls asleep I lay down on my bed finally thinking of the day gone by and how I have accomplished something at work, as a mother, as a wife, but the me was missing… while the head was filled with all these thoughts the body had no energy and my eyes closed and the thoughts drifted away to recoup lots of energy for the new day.

As the alarm rings and I open my eyes I see my daughter on one side and my husband on the other, a sense of completeness fills me. I feel content and happy. Yes I am now full of energy and enthusiasm to start a new day that will be brighter than yesterday. The pace of life can never slow me down, words of envious people can never hurt, work will never seem impossible or difficult if I have the people I love by my side.

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My first IPL LIVE!

Over a random fight with my husband over how Bombay is so boring and there are few options to actually do something every weekend, we stumbled upon the idea of going for the IPL matches.

The tickets were booked; the coordination with friends was done; FB status was updated, Tweets sent out. Sunday was literally spent in publicizing my visit to watch the match at the CCI.

When I went to collect my tickets at the counter I was actually impressed with the ease with which things were managed. We grabbed some food before getting in as we were sure that the food wouldn’t be great even if we had the best seats.

The pheriwallas(street vendors) added drama & excitement with team flags, t-shirts, whistles, caps, bands, the works. I too gave in the temptation and bought a whistle.

As I entered I was overwhelmed by the crowd, the music, the commentators, arrangement. Whew! Everything.

As I cheered for Sharukh's knight riders I knew that in Mumbai there is only one god and that is Sachin Tendulkar! The crowd went hysterical with every move of the master blaster.

The cheer leaders entertained, were up and dancing with every hit or wicket. The DJ cheered the crowd and ensured the players were well supported all through the match. I was amused and entertained with the desi music that entertained everybody including the phirangi cheerleaders who didn’t understand any of it.

When the little master came out to bat, there were people dancing, jumping waving their flags, whistling, screaming his name & runs. For a a moment it just seemed like cricket was a religion in India and Sachin was the only god we worshiped.

I just wondered how Lalit Modi has just made Cricket into a full blown masala movie. There is action, glamour, drama, you just cant get enough of!

As Sachin batted the last ball for a four and the crowd cheered for their favourite team I was trying to capture all these moments in my mind to never let this memory ever fade off...


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The Art of Management!

I am a post graduate in Management and I must say I have literally mastered it. We all master the art of managing pretty early in life. In fact that’s what we are taught right? We teach our kids how to juggle between studies & play. As they grow up how to manage relationships, then work, then family and it just goes on.

It just seems like a never ending journey of juggling priorities and obviously leaving some stuff undone. You are bound to ruffle a few feathers but we are actually as people so scared to say NO, atleast I am that on the contrary if I need to stretch myself at work or home I will do it. Especially the Indian woman, the giving goddess will go all out for it. Ok come back from the memories of all the times when you wanted to but couldn’t say NO. Remember all those times when you wanted to take off and your boss said NO. You gave in or ‘Managed’ it by saying I will take my leave but complete the work. And then while you attend those maddening calls on your holiday you’ve upset your family and yourself.

In this process of stretching to deliver the elasticity is lost and there will be a point in time when there will be so much tension on the band that it will break. It’s probably delivering under its actual capacity because it’s just about managing.

We manage everything from money, to multiple roles, work, relationships, everything. At every bend of life there is a moment where your mind takes over and prioritizes decisions for you and then you manage between the two decisions.

Think about all those times you got selfish and actually said a NO, I’m sure you remember the consequences they weren’t very pleasant. You were punished for being selfish. It’s Ok to be selfish sometimes and say NO, all we seek is an assurance from someone.

We also often fear being bitched about/or spoken ill about when we would say no, to ensure we maintain that imagery/perception we give into managing

Don’t give in and be a great manager, learn to address things beyond managing. It’s Ok as it does pay off in the long term.

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Confessions of a Blackberry addict

I have a confession: I love my BlackBerry.

It’s my window to the world at any point in time. It entertains me when no one familiar is around. It’s the answer to all the queries I can think of. It’s the best communication channel among my friends.

I like checking my work email at home at all hours. Cant think of a day when I didn’t check all the emails on my phone, important or not.
I like reading about what's happening at work when I'm supposed to be decompressing on vacation. It’s important to be part of the communication group even if it is not addressed to me; it makes me feel remembered and important.
It comforts me somehow. I know what's happening. I'm not missing something important, delaying my response to something crucial, or walking back into the office unaware of a brewing crisis.

Now if I'm being honest, almost never IS there a brewing crisis — certainly not one that I can't deal with swiftly when I sit down at my desk first thing in the morning. But somehow it doesn't matter, I like intrusion of privacy and then complaining about never being off work or being a workaholic.
I've woven my personal and professional lives together in my patterns and habits, and I'm OK with that.

OK, more than OK with it. It partly defines how I think about my life. When I was on maternity leave, colleagues would chastise me for constantly being on email — as if I was so stressed by work that I couldn't stop checking in. What they didn't realize was that checking in to work during that time was essential for my mental well being! Work is stimulating.

Even now, sometimes when I can't sleep, I get up and check email at odd hours of the night. It's not because of stress, it's because it helps my mind focus on something other than what woke me up. Now I'm not sure I should admit any of this to my husband cause I accuse him of being an addict. And I don't relish being in touch when technology limitations make it difficult to do so. Or when I am truly, deeply in a family moment and I don't want to think about work. But in reality, most of the time, I want to stay in touch — it's interesting.

So I confess, I have blurred the lines between work and home and I've done it on purpose. One feeds and stimulates the other. How about you? Are those lines sacred or do you, like me, secretly like being at home and at work at the same time?

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The Winning Horse!

This is an experience that I’m sure all of us have been through at some point in our lives. Be it at work, home or in any relationship. The love, attention, affection is always on the one who brings the trophy home. While you are good you bask in the glory of success and when you can’t win no more you stand in the last row to be pictured.
Here’s what I mean. Look at actors, while they are young and have lots of hits and scandals, they are oh so hot, when they prioritize family over career they often need to make a strong comeback to make their presence felt.

Parents who have 2 children will always be more bent towards the child who draws attention either for his mischief, his looks, studies, sports, all in all fame.
Think of the preferred daughter in law at home… the preferred one always calls the shots.

At work, this is a classic… you know there is someone who gets his way through anything that he says, gets less work more money, is always the one in the consideration set all the time. Relax its life it happens. It’s the rule of life. Envy will not get you results. I know its easier said than done but try just let go the minute the thought even occurs especially all you girls just think of something else immediately and divert your attention.

The rule is more risk more money, whoever gets the moolah in hogs the limelight and all rules are amended for him. When things go wrong as they sometimes will the winning horse may get pardoned a couple of times but after that he will be the first one to face the axe as well

So all you winning horses don’t let the fame get to your head, love the good times and always be prepared for the bad. Like Krishna said work hard unconditionally and results will follow. Trust me you will be a winning horse one day and enjoy all the glitterati of the winning horse.


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Building the nest!

It was a regular Wednesday morning while I was feeding my baby her breakfast by the window sill showing her trees, flowers, cycles, dogs and birds. The birds were fluttering enjoying the weather and loved the winter sun. A constant chirp caught my ears and as I tried tracing that sound I saw a little sparrow build her nest on a tree near my house. I observed her intently and saw how she found fine pieces of straw, grass, wires and build a warm cozy nest for her little babies to arrive. She didn’t know if it was the best nest, how long will it take, is it better than the others, she just kept building to ensure it is safe for her babies.

I looked at my little baby and kissed her as I saw how life is a journey and you keep accumulating so many things on the way. You start with probably nothing and gradually en route you pick up values, culture, friends, siblings, education, knowledge, lovers, soul mates, life partners, enemies, cars, house, gadgets, experiences…

There are times when all that you’ve collected on your way is all lost and you need to start all over again and you’ve lost all energy and enthusiasm, all things material but you still have the education, knowledge, friends, parents, siblings, love and experience. Nobody can ever take that away from you and that’s all that you need to get all that you’ve lost back. So bounce back and you will see that slowly and gradually the hard work and patience will pay off and all that you wanted will be yours of course the struggle is also yours.

Also the person who has lost it all and starts again is fearless and is never scared of trying or innovating as he has now fear to lose or fall. He will succeed a lot more that he was earlier as he now does what he always wanted to do and his way. He also values things a lot more and will therefore always think more rationally and sensibly than earlier.
So build your nest today with all things necessary and don’t lose patience in your journey to get those little pieces together. It’s only a matter of time.

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